Chapter 30: Chapter 30

Rosie's POV

"Come down once you've settled so we can eat dinner," my mom mumbled as I enter my room. After giving me a peck on my forehead, she went out of my room, leaving me all alone.

My mother was already fine. She got out of the hospital the same day and the moment she saw me, she just hugged me and we both came to an understanding.

Silence, that's all I have right now, and a fake smile escaped my lips after I realized how unfamiliar my room had become.

After staying on the tour bus for three months, I've already got used to the small space I share with Jake.

Or maybe it isn't the space that I've gotten used to?

My heart dropped at the memory of him.

It hasn't been past twenty-four hours but I feel I'm close to having withdrawals right now.

My hands wrapped around my bare shoulder. Now I'm regretting wearing an off-shoulder top. I was already in my room but the cold breeze seemed to follow me.

If Jake was here, he would surely hug me tight, his warm hug enough to make me feel better.

But then he will surely scold me for wearing it. I know Jake had been trying to refrain himself from stopping me from wearing revealing clothes after the whole pep talk that we had but the glint in his eyes tells me he still doesn't like it.

Slowly, I moved closer and plopped my body down on my bed, my hand feeling the crinkles on the sheets.

Is it normal that I feel nostalgic about everything?

Three months ago, this place is my haven, my home. But now, it feels like it's just a temporary place that I need to stay with.

I wonder what Jake is doing...

Before I left, he was close to once again breaking down. I didn't know we affect each other this much.

So we made an agreement.

One month...

He's giving me one month to fix myself, not entirely of course because no matter how much I tell myself I'm okay. I know I will need time to fully heal. nevertheless, we agreed to see each other again after one month.

And within this month, we decided to stop communicating with each other.

Vash said it's stupid but both Jake and I think that we need time for ourselves.

We seemed to have gotten too dependent on each other.

My hands formed into knuckles as my grip on my bed sheets tightened.

This waiting game that we've agreed on seemed to be a little harder than I thought. I wonder how long I will be able to prevent myself from crawling back to him.

My eyes landed on my bedside table, a pink envelope resting on top of it. In an instant, my heart started beating rapidly, images of the old events started flashing before me.

My throat started to hurt and I felt the corner of my eyes stinging.

"Mark..." I whispered, my hand landing on my chest. Even uttering his name hurts my entire being.

What could I have done to prevent that incident?

Every day, I ask myself that. But I know accepting his love shouldn't be an option. But no matter how hard I think, I kept coming back to sucking it all up and accepting him, even though I may have lost myself in the process.

But then you wouldn't have met Jake. A small voice whispered inside me.

The letter he left me still left unopen. I'm not sure my heart can handle whatever it that he'd written for me.

But then my heart still wants to know what his last words for me are.

Though I don't love him the same way he does with me, had been someone I cherished too.

He was a friend, a confidante...

And even though I didn't accept his love, I want him to know that I can still be his muse.

A long sigh escaped my lips. With shaky hands, I reached out for the pink envelope, determine to get this over with while I still have the courage to do it.

I bite my lower lip as I pull out the letter from the envelope, vanilla scent greeted before me.

A smile came across my lips. I wonder how the smell of the paper lasted for that long.

My heart started beating rapidly.

My crybaby,

Soft chuckles escaped my lips after reading the greeting.

Crybaby, that's how he usually calls me.

If you're reading this, I may have done something that will really break my family's and of course, your heart. And I'm sorry. I know it may not be enough, or maybe it was already too late, but I wanted to apologize for giving you a hard time. I have given you too much burden that even I realized you don't deserve to carry.

I love you. I love you more than the love you have for me.

As a friend and an older brother, I know that's how you see me. And it's my fault for asking too much. I've hurt you, both physically and emotionally, all because my judgement had been blinded by my emotions and greediness.

You deserve the best.

You reading this means I am already gone.

I apologize for giving up. But please don't blame yourself for this. This is my decision. And it's not because you didn't love me back that I chose to end everything.

It was all me.

I lost my purpose - again, not because of you. If I think about it, maybe the reason I kept pursuing you is because I want to divert my loneliness into finding love with other people. Sadly, the stupid me chose you. You didn't break me. I did it to myself.

I was broken, and I tried to fix it. I did. And I'm sorry I lied to you, to everyone. I thought I would make it. But I was tired. I wanted peace to myself.

Please tell my Mom I love her and dad. And tell them not to be hard on their selves. They gave me so much love. I will never blame you for your decision of choosing yourself over my selfish love, because I probably would have done the same if I was in your shoes.

I'm leaving because I'm tired, because I feel like I have to. And I want you to know that I'm happy to be your older brother and your friend.

You will always be my crybaby. One day, you'll find someone who fill the gap that was missing on your life. Don't think that I'm gone forever. because I know I'm in your heart. And Rosie, promise me you'll keep living, you'll keep smiling, and you'll find the best person out there. And if you do, tell him you have a big brother who will probably break his bones if he ever makes you cry, okay?

If you're crying while reading this, stop.

I have found my peace. That's more than enough for me.

All I want to see is a stronger you. And if you need anything, call Luke. If he doesn't help you, tell him I will pay him a visit. :)

Live and love Park Rosie... I promise we'll see each other again.

Your adorable brother,

Mark

By the time I finish the letter, I was already out of breath, a huge lump was stuck on my throat and my chest feels like exploding.

Even after everything, he chose my happiness over his, like how it had always been since we were younger.

My tears kept on streaming down my cheeks.

Closure, that's what he gave me, his last gift.

My hands brought the letter to close to my chest as my body slide into my bed. I was clutching the letter like it was him.

"Oppa, I will live..." I muttered as if he would be able to hear me, "And I found love. You should have met him. He was caring, kind, and selfless. You two would enjoy playing video games," I chuckled to myself.

My eyes closed while my tears still continue to pour like a rain.

And then I thought of his love for me.

I could have loved him.

But I guess not on this current lifetime.

"Maybe next time oppa..." I whispered.

"On our next lives..."

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