Chapter 37: Chapter 37
On the way home I just started outside and Rocky didn't ask me anything, we just sat there in the car silently. I didn't say to Raja that I was with Rocky. He had a jealous streak though he tried hard to cover it up. But he didn't like the fact that I was with Rocky, in fact living with him in the same house. He thought of him as my fiance which was far from the truth but I was ashamed to admit that it wasn't him but his father.
He already considers me a brat. I don't want to be perceived as a gold digger either. I fucked up so much with him. I can't take risks anymore, particularly when I was newly in a relationship with him. I can not name my relationship. It wasn't a friendship or fling but something more at least from my end. He was just so amazing, I always watched him with awe even though he was doing menial jobs. It meant a great deal to me. I worshipped Raja to a great extent and it only grew with time.
When I reached home Rocky asked me whether he could come to my bedroom. I nodded in response since it was his house and he helped me when it should be Raja doing this for me. But Raja never thought falling grades were a problem. According to him, there are worse things in this world, but for me, it was a big deal. I wanted to be comforted by Raja but he backed away. I wanted him to know that I was with Rocky. I hope he gets jealous and angry. But I couldn't resonate such strong emotions with him. Because he wasn't the guy who expresses his emotions in that way, I'm more similar to Rocky. We were both quick to be influenced by our actions.
"Don't be sad I heard about your grades, don't worry we will deal with it", Rocky consoled me. " How the hell are you going to deal with it"?, I asked him. "Well how do you think I pass in the examinations "? he asked me back. I half laughed and half cried hearing him. " No, I don't want to know. I want to pass but the right way. I have scholarships and need to prove myself. I will work on my grades and in the meantime, I will stay focused and won't get distracted", I told him. He shrugged as though it did not matter to him. I hugged him and he held me close. I got my love earlier now my friend is also back. I couldn't be any happier.
"Ok does this mean we are back as best friends?", he asked me. " I think so", I answered shyly, feeling as though I was back to that13-year-old. At least I wasn't alone anymore. But my life was still complicated as hell. I should get my shit back together even if that meant no more date nights with Raja for some time. But he was the only distraction I had even though Rocky was a pain in the ass at that time but still managed to stay away from my mind.
But Raja though indifferent always wreaked havoc in my mind, body and soul. I have to tread carefully or I will sink into my emotional roller coaster. That night I got a call from Raja and I felt giddy. I think that emotion will never go away. "Hi Raja", I said breathlessly to the phone. " Brat, I thought of taking you to a nice place to cheer you up,'' he told me. I'm ok Raja don't worry about me. I'm fine going to study tonight", I replied to him. "Rocky took you home"? It wasn't a question. " Yes he was there when I wanted to go", I told him, more like a challenge.
"Goodnight then", he said curtly and cut our call. I was dissatisfied I expected an argument at the least but I wasn't even rebuked for going with Rocky. Raja trusts me I guess but in my mind, I knew it wasn't a matter of trust it was more like a reminder for him that I would always put him on the pedestal. I won't call him out for my mistakes but rather keep on worshipping him. But the problem is that I wasn't 13 anymore. It was time he realised that.
I completed my revisions and reworked my assignment and by the time I was finished, it was early morning. I wanted to sleep but decided to forego it for my academics. I put some eyeshadow on my eyes. I didn't want to look like a goddamn raccoon. I finished with my dress and sat on my assignment again.
When I looked at the clock I saw it was time for me to go to college. When I reached downstairs Rocky was finishing his breakfast. He motioned for me to join him. I shook my head and took a banana instead. He frowned but didn't say anything. Then we got to his car and we fled to the college. Because when you ride with him you will feel as though you were chased by villains.
I kept on toying on my mobile checking for messages from Raja and was sad to find out there was none. When I reached the college I quickly got out and walked to the canteen after waving at Rocky who looked as though wanted to talk to me. But I didn't want to waste time. He could say whatever he wanted when we were home. But here it would be Raja who's my priority. I regretted my action last night. I did brush him off and I wanted to make up for that.
When I reached there he was cleaning the tables. There wasn't anyone who was there. I sighed with happiness, we won't be disturbed at least this time. I went on to him and tapped on his shoulders. He didn't turn my way but continued cleaning the tables. I was being ignored but it didn't affect me badly instead it raised my hopes. I hugged him tightly from behind and he stiffened.