Chapter 37: Chapter 37

She kept walking into the market as she pushed the thoughts of him possibly being dead by now. It got to the point that she broke into a sprint all so she could take her mind off Lorcán who could probably be dead by now. Abruptly, she stopped and went to a corner in the market. She found a stone and sat down as she stared at nothingness. She took huge, several breaths to calm herself down.

“You did well, Aranya, okay?” She spoke to herself softly and without knowing how, she felt as hot tears cascaded down her cheeks. What was this she was doing? She hated this feeling, she hated who she had turned into since after Betla’s death. She even hated this power, the one she had before was more than enough, and now it was beyond what she could take. She didn’t know how to act, what to say or what to do that wouldn’t make her regret later.

And now that she pondered about it, she felt that she had no one and that was the truth. She had only had Lorcán and Betla. Betla was gone when she least expected it. She surged in a huge breath before she lifted her hands and stared at the blood that still stained them, oh no. did she really kill him? She knew what he did to her was bad, he planned for her mother’s death abut she practically did the same to him with Dûsan didn’t she?

That made her jerked up and she wiped at her tears even though more kept gushing down in a rush. She began to walk fast back to the building and when she felt as if it would be too late before she got there, she dashed out into the air and appeared in front of the door. She stood there and stared at the door for a few minutes, was he saved by some people? Did someone came and saw him dying? Maybe Desdemona came to check up on them and she saved his life?

She closed her eyes as tears fell down on her cheeks, she wished he was saved. She pushed the door open and her eyes instantly got to where she left him and behold, he was still in that position, just that he was no longer struggling. The blood wasn’t oozing out anymore and that painful gaggles were silenced. Aranya felt a thud in her heart as she ran toward him.

She tried to tame down her fire before she knelt before him and placed his head on her laps. The tears came, but she pushed them back because she knew she had to save him first before anything else. He might not be like her and Betla, but she believed if he could save her with his blood then she could as well do that.

Without a second thought, at the same time trying to push back the fountain of her tears, Aranya lifted her palm, tore it apart and centered it around his mouth. She watched as the blood dropped on his mouth and got in at the same time her heart pounding loudly, she didn’t know what she would do if Lorcán didn’t wake up. She knew he wasn’t dead yet, she could still feel his pulse but what if her blood didn’t save him? No physician in the world will be able to, that she was sure of.

When she was certain he had gotten enough of the blood, she sealed her palm and waited for any reaction from him, a sign of life from him, but nothing came. Rather, he felt so cold and lifeless in her lap which made her heart sunk and no matter how much she wanted to stop herself she broke into tears.

She lifted his cold body and hugged him tightly to her chest, crying bitterly. “I can’t loose you too, Lorcán. You’re all I have left after her, please don’t die.” She was crying as bitterly as she had never cried before in her life. The reality of living the rest of her life without Betla only hit her now that she knew she had lost Lorcán too, where would she start from? Who would she go to? There was no one to love her or make her smile?

Who would she give the daughter she had promised to?

That thought broke a rustle of tears from her chest and when she stared at the holes her claw dug on his throat, she sealed them up with a swift movement of her hand, she didn’t want a reminder that she had taken the life she loved so much. As much as she would love to deny this, she loved Lorcán from the deepest core of her heart and that was something that could never be changed.

She stared at his mouth that had turned into purple and was obviously cold. With the tears running down her face unchecked, Aranya lowered her head until she clasped their lips and she closed her eyes at the pain that surged into her heart. How could she have killed this man despite knowing she loved him this much?

Feeling his lips clasped with her but the coldness and absence of his passionate movement tore at her heart and she slowly lifted her face and stared at him, barely an inch apart. “I love you, Lorcán.” She felt the walls of her heart tightening when she realized she had never said these words to him. Yes, she knew he must’ve known that she loved him because that would be the only reason she could do what she did to Betla because of him but she had never said it out loud.

“I've never said this to you and I don’t think I've ever regretted something like I regret you not hearing these words while you’re still alive. I'd always cherish your love for me, Lorcán. I don’t care about what you did to me because I did almost the same thing even though I didn’t know you then. All that matters now is that I love you and I wish you’re still alive to give you the daughter I promised...” She stopped, because she couldn’t go on as the pain was too painful and she could feel the veins of her heart being lacerated with agony. How would she live now?

Miraculously, she watched as a lone tear rolled horizontally down to his ear. Her heart stopped moving for a moment and she watched as he tried to squint his eyes open, she was praying for this magic, this miracle from whoever it was that was in charge of life and death. She wanted someone to give her a second chance, for that deity to bring back the soul of Lorcán to her. And she watched, with fresh set of tears rolling down her cheeks as his eyes opened even though painfully and with tears filled in them.

She stared back at him, her tears intensifying and he tried to move his hand to her face which she quickly helped him with, he didn’t have to use up the energy he had, she held his hand warmly that was holding a side of her face as they both stared into each other’s eyes. No need for words, they both understood. They both knew they loved each other and that they were now each other’s words.

He slowly lowered her face to his and painfully, he spoke. “I’m glad you’re still alive, Aranya, I nearly lost my sanity with the thought of you dead. Thank you for being alive, I love you too.” He lowered her face and placed his lips on top of hers, unmoving. He didn’t have the energy to kiss her with the same passion he felt for her in his heart, but this was the best intimacy they both had in their lives.

She closed her eyes and just sat there, with their lips placed on each other and their breaths panning their cheeks. How relieving it was, that she had finally gotten him back. She slowly lifted her face from him and saw that he was staring at him. “Do you want to sleep?” She knew it was dumb for her to ask this because it was obvious this was now the only thing he could do.

But he shook his head, “No, I don’t want to wake up without you by my side,”

She smiled through the pain, “I’m not going anywhere, Lorcán, I'll always be by your side, okay?” She didn’t wait for his response when she teleported them into the room and on the bed she was sure he had never laid on since when they came to Belrynna. She brought the duvet up to his chest and smothered his hair back. It felt like taking care of her own child and she loved it already.

“I’ll make something for you before you wake.” He barely nodded before he drifted off into something she knew would both be painful, stressful and relieving slumber.

Aranya stood there staring at his face while she slept and she did all she could not to take a look at the blood that had smeared his shirt, she will take care of that later, now all she had to think of was Lorcán. How to take care of him and make him feel better.

Food, he will surely need food and she needed that too. She walked out of the room to go to the market and buy something, maybe she can ask someone how to make something light for him while she ate hers from a nearby restaurant. Maybe a soup will do, or a porridge, or anything she could make with the culinary skills she had.

As she walked into the living room, she took a glimpse of Betla staring at her with the most brightest smile she had ever seen on her face. At first, Aranya was frightened, she didn’t know whether to scream or run and hug her. Was she back to life? Because everything was possible with Betla. But she beat her at that.

“I'm not back to life, Aranya.” She said lovingly as she walked toward her and Aranya felt as all the agony of loosing her mother was let loose in her heart, she wanted to cry so bad for her lost. Betla held both her hands and smiled at the tears she had seen that had already glistened her eyes, just for today, she wasn’t going to scold her for being weak enough to cry. “Do you know why I killed myself first before they did?”

While Aranya shook her head, her tears fell and she tightened her hold on Betla’s hands. “Because if I die because of that knife, I could be coming to you at times like this, when you need me the most. I couldn’t do it every time unless you’re in so much pain or need my help the most, just like now. I brought him back to you, Aranya, you love him so much and I don’t want you to be miserable without him...” Aranya didn’t wait for her to finish her sentence when she pulled her into a hug and broke into tears.

“Thank you, Mother. All you’ve ever done was for me and you died for me. Because if you didn’t kill yourself with the knife, you wouldn’t have died, I might’ve been able to save you. And for him...” More tears gushed down her cheeks. She thought Betla didn’t love her! How wrong she was!

Betla smiled before she broke their hug and kissed her on the forehead, “Oh baby, I’ve never loved someone like you and will never do. Take care of yourself and cry less. Learn how to manage the power I've given you, Aranya and avenge for us, okay?”

Aranya nodded her head firmly while she began to wipe her tears. She knew Betla didn’t mention it, but she hated it when she cried. “I will, Betla. I'll make sure to avenge for you even if I'm going to lose my life.”

“I should be gone by now. Take care of yourself.” And painfully, she watched as Betla disappeared. She thought she could hold the tears back, everything was happening so fast and someone might think she was strong enough to handle it, but she wasn’t. She didn’t know she was crying bitterly until she felt herself slumped on the floor and her chest reverberating with so much agony as her tears became a fountain on her cheeks.

“Thank you for bringing him to me, Betla. Thank you for showing up as well.” Her lips trembled as she spoke as grief clouded her eyes.