Chapter 15: Chapter 15

I saw little Nick for the next four days. He would show up either to walk me to work or back home to the condo. Then with a quick peck on my cheek, he would leave. We hardly talked. And whenever we did, the conversation was stilted. Nick appeared more focused on our surroundings than on me. His eyes would be watchful and sharp, his hand clenching mine firmly. I couldn’t help but think that he was getting bored with me. I wanted to tell Nick about the strange feeling of being watched, but I didn’t know how to do it without sounding paranoid. When I told Jan about Nick’s indifferent attitude, she said he was just probably busy at work. He was a businessperson and carried a lot of responsibility. Even Arnold acted the same way once in a while, more often when his reports were due. I was relieved by that and told myself I was just reading too much into Nick’s silences.

When Friday came, Kris cornered me at the cafeteria. I had been doing my best to avoid her, not really interested to hear her gush about her dates with Marcel. Her relationship with the Frenchman was progressing well, it seemed. She asked me again if Nick and I wanted to double-date with her and Marcel. Although I hated disappointing her, I had to decline. I didn’t want to pressure Nick into doing something he might not like. And now that he was acting distant, I couldn’t bear seeing Marcel fawn over Kris and vice versa. Luckily, Jenny was on duty at the locker counter tonight and helped me dodge Kris’s attempts to monopolize me. In the end, she gave up and left with Roxy in tow.

I didn’t know if I wanted to see Nick, either; not sure if I could endure another evening of awkwardness. If only he would let me in. If only he would tell me what was troubling him. It was as if there was a wall between us, a barrier that couldn’t be crossed. People in love told each other their deepest secrets, right? But were we really in love with each other? Was Nick in love with me? Not even I could answer the question honestly. I loved being with Nick, despite his current mood. I loved seeing him every day. And my crazy attraction to him hasn’t diminished one bit. I’d like to think it was proof that I loved Nick. But did he also feel the same with me? There was an attraction, for sure. No question about that. He wanted me, but was it the same as loving me?

Swiping my card through the slot and sighed with a heavy heart. Jan and Mel would leave for Cebu to visit their parents in three days. They invited me to go with them, as they usually did, but I again declined. Not because I couldn’t leave work, but because I wanted to spend the holidays with Nick. Now, I wasn’t sure if I made the right decision. I never really celebrated Christmas, not after my parents died. But when I started seeing Nick, I foolishly thought I now had a reason to celebrate it once more. With this unexpected rift between us, though, I doubted if that would change. Just like last year, and the year before, I would probably spend Christmas and New Year’s at the office. Was it too late to buy a ticket to Cebu? I was tired of working through all the holidays of my life. A change of scenery would do me good.

The smell of roses was the first thing that I noticed when I stepped out of the building. I searched for its source, and my heart skipped a beat when I found it. Nick was standing at the foot of the steps, a gigantic bouquet of red roses cradled in his arms. But that wasn’t all. He was smiling and looked genuinely happy to see me.

“Hey,” he said, reaching for my hand.

“Hey,” I said, forcing myself not to grin like a fool.

“These are for you,” Nick said, handing the bouquet over to me.

“They’re gorgeous, Nick. Thanks. What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion. It’s my way of apologizing for acting like an ass these past few days,” he said, smiling sheepishly as he took my hand.

“You finally realized that, eh?” I said with a smirk. Nick laughed and pulled me close.

“I’m sorry, luv. I just had a lot on my mind lately,” he said, looking at me with his beautiful, magnetic eyes. Then he leaned in and lowered his lips to mine.

The kiss was gentle and sweet, melting my heart and turning my legs to jelly.

“I prepared dinner at my place,” he whispered against my lips.

“Really? But it’s almost 3 AM,” I said, breathless.

“Then, it’s a very late dinner or a very early breakfast.”

“Late dinner sounds more romantic.”

“I suppose so. Breakfast is a bit too suggestive.”

“Suggestive? Why?” I asked.

“Well, breakfast somewhat implies that we spent the night together.” Nick paused, staring intently down at me. “Are you ready for that, my dear Mira?”

“Ready for what?” I said, my heart hammering inside my chest.

“To spend the night with me?”

My heart practically jumped to my throat. Before I could reply, Nick kissed me again. This kiss differed from the first. It was passionate, possessive, demanding an answer. I held on tight, afraid that I would float away. Slowly, he pulled away, as if reluctant to let go.

“Our ride’s here,” he said, turning away.

I almost jumped when I saw Nick’s car idling at the curb. I didn’t even hear it drive up. Nick, ever the perfect gentleman, opened the passenger door for me. With a mumbled thanks, I got in and smiled tentatively at the young man sitting behind the wheel.

“Thanks, Carlos,” Nick said when the young man exited the car to give way to him. He gave me another kiss before driving away.

My heart was in danger of running away from me as well. I didn’t know what he meant by spending the night with him. Was he asking if I was ready to have sex with him? Or, seeing as it’s almost morning, spending what little of it that was left eating dinner together? I felt so foolish and naïve I wanted to smack my head against the dashboard. Let’s just play it by ear, okay? I told myself. But what if he really wanted to have sex? Was I ready for that? Shit!

By the time we arrived at his building, I was so nervous I didn’t know if I could stand. Good thing my boyfriend was such a gentleman he wouldn’t let me exit the car without his help. For once, I fully appreciated his old-world ways. I somewhat dreaded getting into the elevator, expecting his claustrophobia to rear its ugly head again. But as soon as the doors closed, he pulled me to him and kissed me with a hunger that made my head spin.

“I missed you, Mira,” he grunted in between kisses.

“W-we saw e-each other every day,” I breathed as my legs turned to mush.

“Then let me be specific. I missed kissing you,” Nick said, his lips traveling down the column of my throat, sending shivers down my spine.

“Oh, gods, yes,” I gasped when he started nibbling on my earlobe. He smelled so delicious I wanted to gobble him up whole.

Nick's hands were everywhere. Just as his lips kept on jumping from one place to another, I could hardly keep track. All I knew was that I’d never felt these sensations before. When the door pinged open and Nick stepped back, embarrassment washed over me. There was an unfamiliar dampness between my legs, and I was afraid Nick would notice. I immediately forgot my fear when we entered his unit. It looked so different I wondered if this was the same place he took me to the night he rescued me.

“I asked a friend to decorate the place. I figured that if we were going to spend time here, it should at least look nice,” he explained as we walked into the main living area. “Do you like it? You can add a few things later. Or you can change everything if it’s not to your liking. It’s entirely up to you.”

Was he giving me permission to treat his home like it was mine, too? The thought gave me a delicious thrill.

“I love it, Nick. It’s beautiful,” I said, my eyes wandering around the redecorated space.

It was Modern Minimalist, the exact style I’ve been dreaming of using for my place someday. A large white sectional facing the floor to ceiling windows dominated the area. The striped grey, white, and black round carpet in front of it, where a geometric black metal and glass coffee table sat, added a touch of elegance to the ensemble. Several red and black velvet throw pillows of various sizes dotted the sofa and the white marble flooring, giving the space a splash of color. At the far corner was a sophisticated wingback chair in black leather. Beside it was a much smaller version of the coffee table. There were also a few potted ferns and plants I couldn’t identify adorning the corners. An intricately patterned wall divider and marble planter box partially hid the dining area. An elegant six-seater black dining table and white leather chairs completed the look. The expanse of wall to the left, which used to be bare, now displayed a set of three large abstract paintings.

But what really captured my attention was the snowy-white baby grand piano sitting in the leftmost corner of the room. I’d always wanted to play, but never had the chance to learn.

“Do you play?” I said, turning to Nick.

“A little. What about you?”

“Nah. I never learned. But I love to listen.”

“Maybe later I’ll play for you.”

“Why later? Why not now?”

“Because there are other things I’d like to do first,” Nick said, his eyes turning dark.

“L-like w-what?” I said, gulping air.

“Like this,” he said, pulling me back into his arms, his lips crashing down on mine with a hunger that almost frightened me. Almost because my hunger and need quickly replaced it. When I felt the tip of Nick’s tongue gliding across my lips, as if asking for permission, I didn’t hesitate to let him in. It was a mind-blowing experience, awakening my senses, sending me to heights I’d never reached before.

“You drive me crazy, Mira,” he whispered into my ear, his tongue darting to my earlobe.

“You, too, Nick,” I breathed, my hands and arms going around his neck, pulling him closer. Nick’s lips returned to my throat, nibbling and licking, driving me insane with need. I didn’t even know what I was doing, but everything felt so good I wanted to scream.

Then Nick stepped back, making me almost cry in frustration. But our separation was brief and swiftly remedied. The next thing I knew, we were both on the sofa, frantically groping each other. Our kisses were now fevered and impatient. Whenever Nick would pull away, I would grab him back and kiss him like I was on the verge of dying. His hands were stroking me everywhere, my hips, my back, my legs, my neck. I didn’t protest when he lifted my sweatshirt over my head, exposing my barely clad chest to him. He rained kisses on my throat, his tongue traveling down the slim column and to the top of my breasts. Next, his fingers slid down my shoulder, taking the strap of my bra with them. I shivered when his thumb brushed the tip of my exposed breast, tracing lazy circles around it while his mouth continued to explore my chin and throat, nibbling softly. His tongue and lips quickly replaced his fingers. I cried out in pure pleasure when his lips latched onto my distended bud, sucking gently. The wetness I felt earlier was nothing to what I was feeling right now. I was soaking wet, but I didn’t feel any shame or fear. For the first time in my life, I felt wanton. For once, I felt sexy and wanted.

“You are so beautiful, Mira,” Nick said, his lips capturing mine again, his fingers doing wonders to my uninitiated body, awakening it from slumber.

“Oh, gods, Nick,” I cried when his lips returned to my tingling breasts.

“I want you, Mira. Will you be mine?” he whispered into my ear as his fingers fumbled with the buttons of my pants.

“Oh, yes, Nick. I’m yours. I love you,” I breathed, kissing his temple.

Nick jumped away so suddenly it made my head spin. When I looked up, he was staring down at me with his hands clenched tightly at his sides, a horrified expression on his unusually pale face.

“What's wrong, Nick?” I said, my arms wrapping around my chest protectively, hiding my exposed body from his eyes.

“You love me?” he said, barely above a whisper.

Shit! Did I say it out loud? You and your big mouth, Mira. You scared him away; I rebuked myself. But what if I did? So, what if I said it out loud? He should realize that I wouldn’t have let him fondle me if I didn’t have any feelings for him.

“Yes, is that so surprising?”

“You don’t mean what you’re saying, Mira,” Nick said. “You hardly know me.”

“Of course, I do. And I think I know you enough,” I said, reaching for his hand, but Nick stepped back.

“No, you don’t. Get dressed. I’m taking you home,” he said, turning on his heels. He walked away without a backward glance, leaving me gaping after him.

Anger washed over me. Shame came after. Soul-crushing shame. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have thought that someone like Nick would love me back? Retrieving my discarded sweatshirt from the floor, I hurriedly put it on. I didn’t wait for Nick to come back. I grabbed my bag and ran out the door before he could. Hot tears stung my eyes, running down my cheeks unheeded as I bolted, my heart shattering into a million pieces.