Chapter 20: Chapter 20
As I take in my surroundings, trying to escape the burning guilt and fear, my eyes trail over Liam’s clear form, sampling his gorgeous features. His messy, tousled hair frames his face, and I cannot help but admire the relaxed facial aspect of his enthralling features. A sudden stark contrast to the emotional turmoil we both had experienced during our breakup, fused with the sentiments of this whole thing, slaps me real hard—the fear and guilt fused together, coated with the immense desire of the enchantment before me.
Like him, I do not want to lose him again. The scars I am nursing do not allow me to go through any of the pains I went through before. But yet, somewhere deep in my heart lies a very paralyzing and unnerving feeling that I cannot quite decipher at the moment. It is beyond the remorse I am feeling for what we have done. It is something so strong!
“What worries you this much?” Liam spoke for the first time. He was just poring over my countenance all along, just like I was doing to his. His composure is just now disrupted after sensing my non-buoyant vexations.
“I am perturbed because you are not worried.” I retort, squeezing my gaze at him as his one hand massages my skull, the other soothing my back, and still pressing together as if we could become one body.
“I am feeling both like a contented man and like a satisfied beast after so long. I am finally basking in the happiness, peace, and pleasure that I have not experienced for two years. Why would I want to ruin this morning with unnecessary worries?” He says this, stroking my demons in a way that I don’t like.
“Seriously, Liam? Unnecessary worries?” I snap up, yanking his hands away as I jolt up and sit down, resting my back on the armrest of the bed. I don’t forget to pull the duvet up, trying to cover the evidence of the howling sins.
A useless waste of energy! It’s not like there's any need to cover myself anyway. I mean, he has seen my forbidden love countless times. There is no curve in this body that he doesn’t know of. And it is not like our nudities are the only reminder or proof of our sins. The feelings, the sensation down there, and the fact that we are on the bed together are all naked proof.
“Okay.” He says as he kneels before, not minding to cover even just his forbidden tool, and my not-so-innocent eyes had to find their way there. But not for long as he speaks, preventing me from devouring his tool with my eyes. “Talk to me. What is getting you all worked up, Lynn? Do you regret what we did last night?” He implores, and I roll my eyes.
If it were about the act, where would I even start my regrets? That would be from seven days ago, right? Doesn’t he get it? It’s about…
“I haven’t thought of regretting this, Liam. But I will regret it so much if your wife finds out we did this right here. Aren’t you rattled that she might walk in any minute through that door and find us all naked and cuddling in bed? All our sins will be exposed to the whole world!” I squeal between gritted teeth, and he smirks—a smirk that tickles my demons.
What is there to smirk about? Does this sound like a joke to him?
“Oh, that!”
“Oh, yes! Fucking that!” I snap again, my vexation cloaking his annoying smirk immediately.
He wears a dark crown as he looks down for a sec, and when he looks up, I get the sense that he is just about to nail me. It is engraved right there in his eyes.
“The problem is that you don’t trust me, Lynn. You think so low of me. Why?” He queries, pain documented in his voice, his eyes looking so miserable, and curtains of hurt hanging heavily in them.
Okay. Okay. Why is his hurt getting into me, even if it is unwarranted? I mean, since when has asking about the obvious been insolence? And where is this ego coming from? This isn't him, or rather, it wasn’t him. He is not someone to get offended for such nothingness as this, unless he changed.
“Do you think I would be that shameless and heartless enough to expose you to such humiliation?” He shoots again, a sharp arrow that pierces directly to my heart, making me choke on my intended words. Shit! That stings like hell! On the spur of the moment, I realized I might have been too emotionally paranoid for nothing. I mean, more than me, he cares about us getting caught. He has the world to lose. He cannot afford to be this reckless.