Chapter 18: Chapter 18
My mind is a whirlwind of sentiments as I take in the cool autumn breeze bleeding in through the still-open window. It should be chilling, at least to cool off the alluring steam blazing between us, but blending with his perilously hot pheromones compromises it all. The breeze is not helping as much as it should. His hot breathing dominates the breeze, rendering me submissive to their bewitching allurement. We are both lost and getting intoxicated by this.
Staring at him like this enkindles a volcanic combo of emotions in me. The same old spark, same old desires, and same old feelings Everything is flooding in with the same magnitude as it did before. It feels as if nothing ever changed except the cruel circumstances that separated us. The spark in his eyes is as strong and dominating as it was in the old days. It speaks of a deep feeling—a deep sense of longing—and everything else there was between us is distinctly etched in his eyes.
And the corners of his mouth start lifting us slowly, summoning everything to a standstill as his lips curve up to utter something to my lips in a deep voice enough to erupt jolts down my spine.
“Isn’t it obvious? I know you can feel it too, Lynn. You can’t deny it!” He hoarses in a quivering tone full of an assortment of sacred longing, profound sincerity, and deep vulnerability.
His sweet, deep voice has the same old effects that it possessed back then, or maybe even deeper now, and is effective enough to send shivers down my spine. Strong enough to steal my breath away and cause my heart to throb. All the sweet memories of our past deluge me, threatening to break down my defenses. Or maybe they already did because I can’t seem to feel my breathing and my bones are weakening with every passing second. And he knows it. He can feel my trembling right now.
A surge of a combo of euphoric rapture and deep denial conflicts in my body, leaving me trembling. Everything comes to a standstill as I break down all this into the simplest bits that I can understand. He is right. Of course, I can't deny this—what I am feeling right now. It is clearly etched on my face how my walls are crumbling down just because of this closure. I am a trembling mess just from being this close to him. All the nerves in me are calling for him to do what he did to me before—to pleasure me like he did before and a few days ago. To make me feel like he did back them—loved, cared for, and adored.
A fleeting moment of conflicting lull spanks my brain—the reality colliding with our irresistible beckoning sin!
This is extremely erroneous and all right at the same time. We didn’t choose to end our relationship. We never wanted to suffer this way. It was our cruel fate that forced us into this—against our wills, against our hearts desires, against what we both wanted. It would never have crossed anybody's mind that we would ever crash again like this and under these compelling circumstances. No one could have anticipated that we would find ourselves on this web for the rest of our lives. But, sadly or gladly, here we are, tangled in this web and miserably unable to curb the beardown sparks of what we once had. Is it our fault? Is it wrong for these feelings to resurface?
His lips brushing mine summon me back to this contradictory situation. His hot breath has turned my face all rosy. I am brimming with redness, swimming in this fire, not minding that it is consuming me.
But before I can bask in this unfounded rhapsodic glee of lust, the bitter reality slaps me quick enough before I can welcome this sin.
We may be rupturing with pure love and lust. This may all be the sweetest feeling I have felt in the longest time I can recall. It is all candy and beautiful, but…
I hem my lips inside. His lips land on the straight line formed by this action. The kiss is wet and hot enough to make me shut my eyes as he breathes out a sigh of letdown.
“I never stopped loving you, Lynn.” He whispers in a quiver, gently and seductively. I peel my weak eyes slowly, boring into his that conform to an inferno of pure lust. This probably wasn’t a wise idea. I should have remained clueless about the desire in his eyes. “I never stopped thinking about you, Lynn.” He adds, pressing me to him like there is a message he wants me to get from his body, feeding me his breath like he is bent on intoxicating me wholly.
Tears well up in my eyes as his heartfelt words stroke the pastel embankment of my heart, the solemnity in his eyes drawing me into a state of vulnerability and fear.
“But this is all wrong, Liam!” I whimper, my almost inaudible murmur echoing with a heavy tinge of bitterness, hurt, and disappointment. And I still muster the courage to add. “None of this seems right, Liam. We have committed a lot of sins already so...”
“So we should continue suffering? We continue snubbing this. We continue denying ourselves this chance to be happy.” He implores in a faint plea.
Chance?
What chance do we have here? This burning love may be turning him insane or oblivious to the acrimonious reality. How can he call this a chance for us, huh? He is married. His insecure wife might be leaning on the door and eavesdropping on us for all we know. In whatever sense, these feelings are wrong—a bitter fact that summons tears from my eyes—and he thinks this is a chance for us to be happy? Unless the phrase “happy” alters its meaning, we will be subjecting ourselves to more misery and endless battles. Or how exactly can we find happiness in this? By being his side woman? Well, I know they have an agreement with his so-called wife to fuck the fuck if they so please, but I am also cognizant that Mitchell will drag me to the grave alive if I dare get involved with him. Her hatred is indecipherable! I don’t want to gamble my life on it.
I was about to speak in disapproval of his insane reasoning, but he was quick enough to beat me.
“I was okay, Lynn.” He starts, his eyes ricocheting into mine, emphasizing every single word with the sincerity they are displaying. “For two good years, I was okay wallowing in this misery and thinking that you were happy somewhere else with another person. But then I found you again in the middle of this misery. Everything changed the day I saw you again. Everything I have been holding on to for two good years came flooding in—everything I have not allowed or been allowed to feel for anyone since we parted ways. And now,” he pauses as his arms possess me tightly, like they will never let me go. Then his eyes settled perfectly on mine, uttering something that broke all my defenses. “Now I cannot control myself anymore. And I don’t want to.”
Shock! Fear—dreadful fear!
My head is filled with howls from all corners as his words echo in my head with rebounds. My heart is throbbing so savagely that I am afraid the throbs might tear its delicate walls. I am nearly dangling in his hold as I seek support for my weak, quivering body. My vision is growing weak. The sinful feelings and desires are dominating my morality and sanity as I am being jerked back until I slam on the bed with my back, his flaring body landing on top of me. The sin is winning. The heat is subduing.
“This... is... this is wrong.” That is all I can manage to whimper before his lips crash on mine, and the desires are too strong to prevent this.
The thrill of his kiss is simply analogous, if not far more so; it is honeyed and horny, addictive and overpowering, and riveting. Even without the beast between his legs smothering me with its rock hardness, this alone is sufficient to crack down my defensive barriers down there. My mind is blown by the mere notion of how hard it looks right now, which exacerbates the kiss. Our lips never lost their sense of rhythm or their ability to dance in our mouths. The urge never abated. Without a doubt, the bond of affection never dissipated either. And over time, the fire seems to have grown more intense.