Chapter 12: Chapter 12

I watch as the sun dips its face into the sky, bowing to the beckoning darkness as we welcome the night of my second night here. After the unanticipated morning facade that ensued in this room this morning, I have not been able to get a crack at the kind of hell Liam and Mitchell are living in in the name of marriage. I have been inhaling nothing but the steam from that short conversation all day. One thing is clear, though: theirs is anything but marriage, and love is not anywhere close to the bond that binds them. Something that hasn’t given me rest since that moment.

I tried to ask Liam about it because I could see the pain in his eyes. I can feel the burden he is carrying. But all he said was that their story was complicated. That I won’t understand. I did not want to force issues. I did not want to seem like I was imposing too much. I can’t afford to let my curiosities break out because, truth be told, I am getting more and more curious to know the real deal between them with every passing second. I would give the world to know why they seem at total odds—like they are being forced to stay together. Then again, this wasn’t their decision. It was an alignment between the two affluent families. But they had enough time to fall in love, right? I mean, after two whole freaking years, they should have found a common ground to solidify things between them. And the fact is that neither has to make so much effort to fall for the other. They are both sexy. That goes without a doubt. Oh well, except for Mitchell, who would need to work on her temper and attitude. Sigh!

Anyway, I intend to keep out of their business as much as I can, because no matter how much I try, Liam’s pain is impacting me in a way I never would have speculated. The mere notion that he is suffering hurts me. The heavy loads of the burdens he is carrying are taking a huge toll on me, as if they were mine. I wish I could take all that away from him, but how can I? I have a feeling that even what I am doing for him is not enough to take all his sorrows away. This baby will lessen his pains, yes, somehow, but something tells me that it will not set him free from all of the pains.

But what can I do?

We have crossed our boundaries myriad times. We have committed too many sins already. The lies we are telling his wife, the secrets we are keeping, and the ones we are going to still keep from her will ruin him completely if they leak out. I can’t begin to imagine what Mitchell will do if she learns that we have already had sex with Liam. And not just once, but several times. A whole week. She will surely wreck havoc not only for Liam but for me as well. And if our abominable acts reach a third ear, especially the two wealthy families, hell will crumble us. We will be doomed forever.

There are so many knots in this. There are too many lies and secrets that are a threat to everything that Liam is trying to protect. I may not know the whole story, but I know for a fact that for him to go to this extent, this baby means the world to him. And Mitchell’s last words as she left this morning are banging my head with a gestural threat of an imminent catastrophe. It was as if she were warning Liam of something only she could foresee. As if she could read through our lies. Like she could clearly see to the deepest depths where our secrets are concealed. And knowing that woman, I know she is a terrible smartass. And if she knows that Liam and I were a thing, if it is true that Liam always talked about me, then I am afraid that her insecurities will be on high alert. She will be monitoring us so closely. We will be breathing under her nose. And with what Liam and I have aroused again, I am dead afraid of where it will lead us.

But afraid or not, I am already here. At the rock bottom of this entanglement. I am too deep into this tangle to break away. I am tightly wrapped in this web. There is no other way other than to go with the tide, because I doubt anything is in my control now. The emotions, the feelings, the desires—they all are surging in like savage waves of sparks, pulling me deeper into this quagmire, and I am totally defenseless.

The loud, continuous grumbles of my belly remind me that I have not put anything in my mouth since last night. Actually, the last time I ate was yesterday’s lunch on our way here. I didn’t go out the whole day, and I did not see anyone coming to call me for meals. As a guest, I thought it wise to not cross more boundaries than I already have. I thought that probably a maid would come to call me for meals, but none came. I doubt they even acknowledge my presence.

I turn to the door and make my way downstairs as I hearken to the mocking, stroking voice of the impending uncertainties laying ahead of this journey. Actually, not just one, but numerous voices One is ringing with a warning tone about the dangers that may lay ahead of this journey. Another one is pleading with me not to abandon Liam when he needs me the most. Another one is mocking me for all the sins Liam and I have committed behind his wife's back, rebuking me for my audacity to face her after everything Liam and I have done together. The guilt is slapping me so hard, making me wonder if our sins will be exposed someday. Whether our secrets will be revealed someday And I cannot seem to get any clear answer.

And there is this most dreadful howl of all, asking me if I am really ready to face the consequences when our sins and secrets ever come to light. Now this wrecks the tiny thread that is knotting my peace together. The thought of that day ever coming is paralyzing. It is numbing. I even got subdued by the paralyzing fear of the abysmal unknown until I collided with someone, and the impact of that knocked me back to reality. The glare I receive is enough to send me back to my paralyzing mode. I hung my head down, burrowing it deep in the air, wishing that my sins were not imprinted on my face.