Chapter 93: Chapter 93

The night seems to drag on and sleep seems to be elusive, a figment of my imagination, something that has refused to come even though I've willed it. Believe me when I say that I've done almost everything to try and get my brain to relax but it seems to be an exercise in futility.

I've tossed and turned, trying to shut off my brain activities by counting sheep, I've even tried praying, but that has never really worked out for me so I just gave up and resorted to tossing and turning.

Look at me now - it's almost dawn and I'm still awake. Wide awake, actually.

I can't seem to get those pictures Ash threw on the bed for me to see, out of my head. Even though I locked them up in my bedside drawer, they're still imprinted in my mind.

Why would anyone want to kill me?

What have I done for that to happen?

I haven't hurt anyone.

Alright, yes, I did kill someone. Two people actually, but the first person I killed was in self-defense. It was kill or be killed, and the second person. . . let's just say she deserved it. They both deserved it.

That, however, brings me back to the million-dollar question. Why am I a target and who wants to kill me?

My eyes widen when something occurs to me. What if Ash was just fibbing? What if this is just a ploy to get back with me and to see Lily? I wouldn't put anything past him. It's not like his reputation is stellar. He's a fucking mafia boss for crying out loud. I can't take his word for it. For all I know, he planned the whole thing.

My brain is all muddled up now but then a memory so rife flashes in my mind making me gasp. The one of him wearing a wedding ring.

"That bastard!" I pick up the first thing my hand grabs and throw it against the wall.

It hits the wall with a loud crack and falls to the ground. That's when I realize it was one of Lily's toys. I hear a high-pitched wail a second later and I groan. I've gone and woken up Lily. It doesn't take long before her cries subside and just when I think I'm in the clear, a door opens and footsteps approach my room. I groan out loudly and face-palm myself waiting for the inevitable. The footsteps stop directly in front of my room and a knock sounds on the door.

"Sweetheart? Is everything okay?"

Damn it. Clarissa's mum is like Janet Bond, I swear. Nothing passes her by. Her ears are tuned to the slightest noise. It's a very good thing, but right now it's leaning toward bad for me mainly because I'm irritated by Ash's reappearance and lack of sleep.

"Alicia, sweetheart, I'm coming in."

I'm just in time to fall back onto the bed and feign sleep when the door is gently opened. I hear her walking toward me and I condition my breathing to become slower, more even. I even let loose a light snore. I can feel her bending over me, and then the bed dips.

"Oh, sweetheart, do you know how old I am? You can't fool an old woman because I've done exactly what you're doing before."

I silently groan. I should have known better than to try and fool her. I sit up slowly with a sheepish smile on my face and let loose a nervous chuckle as I shrug. "I'm sorry."

She chuckles heartily and touches my face. "There's nothing to be sorry about, my dear, just like you shouldn't also be sorry about having a man in your room last night."

She looks meaningfully at me.

"You knew?" My jaw practically drops open as my heartbeat begins to beat a mile a minute as if I've just run a marathon.

She nods and her smile only gets wider. "Not only did I know, I let him in."

I stare dumbfounded at her, my brain trying to wrap itself around the words she just spoke. Why did Ash act scared that he would get found out last night then?

"Come on, now, it's wayy too early in the morning to crack such jokes."

The smile on her face slides off immediately as she shakes her head. "I'm afraid I'm not joking, my dear. I let him in when he came knocking on the door looking distressed and asking for you."

It suddenly dawns on me why Ash acted the way he did by making me feel he snuck inside my room. He did it to make me feel like I was punishing him.

"What!" I jet off the bed immediately, feeling the sting of betrayal surging through me. "Do you not know what that bastard did to me one year ago?"

Clarissa's mum is calm in the face of my outburst. No doubt she must have experienced lots of outbursts from Clarissa when growing up. I watch as the soft expression on her face morphs into a hard one as she stands and faces me.

"That young man explained everything to me."

"Oh! He did, did he? Did he also tell you he's married, and the woman he got hitched to is definitely not me? While he was pouring out his heart to you, did you also tell him how I almost died and was in a coma for three months? Or what about the part where they had to cut Lily out of me at a premature age because they feared she would die inside my womb? Oh wait - here's a good one- How about the fact that I'm still trying to find my feet from his betrayal because my whole life was turned upside down in the process."

Her gaze softens and she shakes her head as she moves close to me. Even though I'm enraged, as soon as her hand lands on my shoulder, it all whooshes out of me and I cave in on myself. This is the same woman who took me in when I had nobody to turn to, the same woman who treats me like a daughter and Lily like her grandchild.

How do you think I can stay mad at her for long?

"He hurt me so bad." My voice gets choked with tears and I'm pulled into a warm embrace.

"I know, my dear, I know. Let it all out, it's therapeutic."

She holds me tight as she coos encouraging words to me. So while sobs rock through my whole body, she smooths my hair and rubs my back. The tears I let loose make my heart hurt, my body ache and clog my nostrils. It hurts so bad because, for one full year, I have relieved the trauma of that day Ash didn't show up for the engagement party.

All this while it messed with my head, making me feel like I'm not worthy of him or good enough. Now it seems his presence had come to slap me in the face once again. I don't know if my heart can take it. No. My heart will definitely not be able to take it.

Clarissa's mum rubs my back a few more times before she moves back and stares at me with a worried expression. "Listen to me, sweetheart, you will need to face your demons now more than ever. That is the only way you can put your past to rest and face the future."

"What are you saying?" My voice is hoarse and my throat feels raw from all the crying.

"I'm saying you and Ash need to talk. Please listen to him and don't jump to any conclusions yet until you have heard his side of the story."

She wipes the tears from my eyes and face and gifts me with a sweet smile before standing. "Now that I hope I have talked some sense into you, I need to go attend to Lily."

I watch as she walks out of the room. She stops at the door and turns to me with another smile. "Please hear him out."

And with that parting shot, she walks out, leaving me feeling bereft and with more questions than before she first walked in here.