Chapter 83: Chapter 83

I remember my first kill.

I thought he'd never die.

There I was, holding tightly onto his neck and squeezing for dear life, my own life flashing before my face if I so much as removed a finger from his neck.

It was gruesome.

Many people think there's no difference between killing someone with an object and doing it with your bare hands. There's a grave difference, I tell you. With an object, it's impersonal and it feels like you're on the other side looking in on someone else doing it but using your hands - now - that's fucking personal.

That's what happened when I had to kill someone to stay alive. I can't joke and say it was an order when in fact it wasn't. I was fighting for my life. It was either kill or be killed. What made it worse was that I had to snuff the life out of someone and I did it, without any qualms, or so I thought, until it was all over, until I saw blood everywhere, until I thought I was possessed with an evil spirit.

And then the shakes came; the ramblings, the unbelief, the what-ifs. I could go on and on but it wasn't pretty how I wasn't able to wrap my head around the fact that I had just killed someone. I couldn't handle it. That's how I know that soon. . . Hazel eyes might not - who am I kidding - she most definitely is not going to handle this well.

The body counts on her conscience so far - Two. And it's all my fault.

I watch closely as she walks out, her steps firm and confident.

Adrenaline. . . that's all it is.

She doesn't turn around and doesn't even wait for me to help her, she marches on like the world is her oyster. Damn it, the world is meant to be hers and I'm supposed to give it to her, instead, I'm turning her into a killing machine. I briefly close my eyes as we enter the lift and come out into the general warehouse.

What was I thinking when I told her I would bring her to Leonard?

What the fuck was I thinking would happen when she knew he sabotaged her freedom?

I wasn't thinking, that's obvious. I just wanted to please her. We make it to the car in thick silence, save for the greetings from my men which I return with a nod. Clearly, I'm not in the mood for chit-chat. Hazel eyes still hasn't asked for my hand to lean on, she's still running on the high of her kill.

She gets in without my help, and I pause. Should I comment on what just happened or . . .

I'm at a total loss for what to do. Instead, I comb my hand through my hair and tug sharply. The pain jolts me, making me realize it's best to keep quiet in the meantime. Instead, I brace my hand on the door and lean to her level. "Give me a few minutes, kitten, I'll be back."

She doesn't say anything or even nod, but I push away anyway and walk back into the warehouse. I've got an axe to grind, might as well do it while I'm here. The saying- killing two birds with one stone, slides into my mind. My men look a bit surprised but their faces clear when I give the order to clean out the trash from the room in the basement.

"Hey, Ash!" I turn around to see Rip jogging up to meet me. "I was told you were here with Alicia."

He looks around but doesn't see her. "She's in the car." I jerk my hand behind me and he nods. "Make sure she doesn't come out, you know why."

He nods and I get into the lift. I walk straight to the room beside where Leonard was kept and I stand for a few seconds, giving myself a pep talk. I've got to do it in order to cut off ties with my past once and for all. I nod to myself and use the key card. The door opens immediately. Where the smell of dirt and filth assailed me when I'd entered the room Leonard was kept, this room smells nice - of floral perfume and food.

She's lying on the bed, backing me and watching a show on the TV screen placed against the wall. She must have sensed she's not alone because she turns around. Immediately she sets eyes on me, and a smile lights up her face, but as I move closer, the smile falters and slides off completely. "H. . hello, Ash."

"Hello, Bell." I remove the gun from the waistband of my jeans and hold it loosely at my side.

Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. "P. . . please, Ash, y... you promised y. . . you'd let me g. . . go."

I shrug. "I lied."

She scoots up from the bed and kneels on it. Tears have pooled in her eyes and it feels like I'm transported back to the past. I take in her long blonde hair and attractive features wonderingly. Such a pretty face with an evil heart. "Bell, Bell. . . " I shake my head as I move closer to her. "I made you comfortable here, didn't I?" She nods, her lips trembling from fear. She's full-on crying now, snot mixing with her tears. Unfortunately, I don't feel any pity for her, not even a twinge. I walk even closer to her. "You're wasting your tears, you know, you should have thought about the consequences before you sided with my brother."

Something flares in her eyes and her fear seems momentarily forgotten. "I can help you, Ash. Th. . . there are things you still don't know that are c. . . coming for you."

I cock a brow because I know she's just grasping at straws now. "Things, Bell? What things?"

She cleans the tears and snot from her face and nose and stands up from the bed. "Remember, Dominatrix?"

I tense up. What the fuck has Rita got to do with this? Last I heard, she was a widow. "What about her?" I try but fail to keep the edge out of my voice.

"I hear she's coming for you."

ALICIA

As soon as Ash leaves me in the car alone, I can't take it. I've got this excess energy I need to use up. I feel good, actually, I feel great. I know I should not feel this way, seeing as I just killed a human being, but he was a bad person. If I hadn't done it, he would most definitely have killed me if he was given a chance. All that talk about him wishing he was married to me was bullshit.

"Kill or be killed," I say under my breath as I return to the warehouse.

As I take another step, Rip intercepts me with a smile on his face. "Hello, ma'am."

Out of all of Ash's five close men, he's the one I don't really speak with, mainly because he's always busy with Ash's business and hardly comes to the house.

"Hello," I reply without a smile. "I'd like to see Ash, where did he go?"

"He said for you to stay in the car, and that he'll be right with you."

I look at him and I don't like what I see. Keen eyes and a too-bright smile. Rip never smiles. Out of all of them, his face is always bland and passive. All I get from him when I say hello is a slight tug of his lips and a nod. Why's he being so nice all of a sudden?

"I'm going in there now and, not you or any other person is going to stop me."

The band-aid gets ripped off as the smile slides off Rip's face. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I can't let you pass."

The smile I give him is chilling because the look of uncertainty passes, like a shadow across his face. "Get out of my way immediately or I'll tell Ash you were getting handsy with me."

His reaction is laughable, to say the least, but I need to put up a serious face in order to be taken seriously. His Adam's apple bobs furiously and he gives a sharp nod. "Fine, but I'm coming with you."

I sigh because I can't eat my cake and have it. It's my turn to nod and he holds out his hand to help me but I flounce past him and walk straight for the lift. From the corner of my eyes, I see Ash's men gaping at me. Instead of them pouring their attention on the work in front of them, they think there's a live show with the way their eyes follow me. I ignore them and step inside the lift, Rip fast on my heels.

Three seconds is all it takes to get to the basement and the lift slides open. As soon as we step out and into the hallway, I hear a female voice, and then I hear Ash's voice. Curious and wanting to know who he's talking with, I make my way to where their voices are louder, with Rip following close behind.

I don't know what I thought I'd see when I was coming down here to look for Ash, but I don't expect to see him standing in a room talking to tacky-blonde-cop.

He told me she was dead, so why the fuck is she still alive?

Anger fuels my veins as I step through the door. "What's going on here?"

Ash whips around and immediately he sees me, he closes his eyes and something passes across his features.

It's fear.

Fuck, yeah, he should be scared. He lied to me, he told me his bitch was dead but here she is, very much alive and healthy.

I'm going to have to change that.

Rip comes close to me, but he moves back when I give him a warning look. I look around wildly for something - anything I can use as a weapon, but there's nothing here, and then my eyes fall on Ash's gun lying on a table beside him. I don't overthink it, I walk to it, pick up the gun, remove the safety, and aim it at her head. "This is the end, tacky-blonde cop."

And I pull the trigger.

This time, the recoil is strong and I feel myself stumble a few paces backward. For a few seconds, I can't see anything and all I hear is static. I close my eyes and a giggle escapes me. I open them to see tacky-blonde cop sprawled on the floor with blood seeping out from her body at an alarming rate. I turn to look at Ash who takes a step back from me.

That's when I realize I'm still holding the gun. . . and it's pointed at him. He's staring at me with a worried expression on his face. I let loose another giggle, this time, louder.

"Look at us, babe. We're a killing duo, just like Bonnie and Clyde." My voice is high and shrill. I don't recognize it.

I throw my head back and laugh out loudly, wondering why Ash is looking at me strangely. He tries to come near me, but I hold the gun high, aiming it at him. "Don't come any closer."

I giggle once again, shaking my head from left to right. Ash raises a hand to someone behind me and I feel my brows knitting together. Is he planning to kill me? I look back, and that's when, from the corner of my eyes, I see a blur of movement.

Someone wrestles the gun from my hand and I feel the loss of it. I try to speak but it's difficult. Everything is spinning and I can't breathe well. Everywhere suddenly goes dark as the ground rushes to meet me.