Chapter 52: Chapter 52

Chapter 52

ALICIA

As soon as I open my eyes, I immediately realize two things.

The nurse is waiting for me to say something, or at least, act excited about being pregnant for a man who doesn't even know he's going to be a father and might not even want to become one, and secondly. . .

Night eyes is standing behind her.

Judging from his widened eyes and open mouth, he heard everything she said to me.

Shit!

Instead of manning up and owning my reality, I decide to change the game. With a tremulous smile, I take the nurse's hand and pump it vigorously. "Congratulations, nurse, I'm sure you're going to make a fine mother."

I pull her to me in a side hug as I break out in another tremulous smile. From the corner of my eyes, I see Night eyes eyebrows draw together in a frown. The nurse wriggles beside me, drawing my attention back to her, so I raise imploring eyes to her, hoping she'll get the message to play along.

"I'm sorry for interrupting, but Ash just called." Night eyes announces from behind me, reminding me of his presence.

My head jerks up. "Is. . . everything okay?" I hear a whimper and realize with a start, I've latched onto the nurse and my nails are digging into her skin.

"Find out for yourself." He holds out something to me and I realize with a sinking feeling, Ash has been on the line, probably listening to my exchange with the nurse.

Throwing one last imploring look at the nurse, I release her and take the phone from Night eyes. As I wrap my hand around it, the words flow out of my mouth like larva. "It's not what you think."

Silence meets my words, and I realize I've goofed. After more than five heartbeats, Ash's deep voice sends tremors through my body as he throws my words back at me. "What is not what I think?"

This is the part where it gets clumsy. I stammer out words that don't have any meaning, and luckily, he puts it down to stress and confusion from Clarissa's accident, an incident I had totally forgotten about in my confusion.

"It's okay, Kitten, just breathe, she'll be fine. From what Night eyes told me, he has the same blood type as Clarissa, so he'll donate his blood."

Relief soars through me that he didn't hear what the nurse said to me. "Thanks." My voice comes out as a squeak.

"I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to join you, I've got lots of work to see to."

I nod, like he can see me, and tell him it's fine. We make small talk thereafter, but when he rings off, my heartbeat has almost gone back to normal. Normal, being the operative word. He still doesn't know he's going to become a father. Never mind that, I'm not even prepared to become a mother because of obvious reasons. I just started nursing school and having a career is important to me.

I don't want to to be a leech and depend on any man. I need to make my own money, especially after having a dad that made shitty decisions.

I smile as I hand the phone back to Night eyes, but we both know it's forced. I excuse him and the nurse and walk back to where Rip is still seated.

As I flop into a chair, the one thought running through my mind is - What am I going to do?

How could I have been so stupid and not take pills in order not to get pregnant?

How am I going to wish this situation away when I could have easily handled it before things escalated?

I shudder just imagining what Ash would say, or even do, when he finds out.

Rip gives me an odd look as he raises a brow. "Everything okay?"

"Peachy!" I pop the p for emphasis as I give him a smile I know doesn't reach my eyes.

He gives me a dubious look but shrugs and looks away, and I go right back to thinking of what to do about my pregnant state.

A light bulb goes off in my head.

What if Ash doesn't ever find out?

What if I get rid of it?

I suddenly know what I need to do.

It seems to take forever for Night eyes to return. At a point, I doze off as tiredness steals into my limbs. Finally, he comes in holding up his arm where I assume is the site of the entrance of the needle. I see some tufts of cotton wool peeking out from the crook of his arm, and I feel grateful that he actually donated Clarissa some of his blood.

And now, there's a bond between them, something Clasissa will be thrilled about.

The nurse is not far behind as she holds out a bottle of soda to Night eyes and gives me a stink-eye before walking off. I can't waste this opportunity. I won't waste this opportunity. I speed-walk after her, making sure she doesn't see me. I slow down to watch her standing and chatting with one of the administrative officers. That's when I sneak up behind her.

"Hi!"

She whips round so fast, she almost falls, but I lay a hand on her arm to steady her. The look of terror on her face is comical to the point that has me almost bursting out a laugh, but I hold it in. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't want him to know I'm pregnant, trust me, I'm not a nut job."

She looks doubtful, but relaxes after a few seconds.

"Can we please talk somewhere else?"

She looks behind her to where the administrative officer she was talking to has one hand on the phone, probably ready to call security. One nod from the nurse, has her removing her hand and giving a curt nod in return. The tables turn as she takes a firm hold of my hand and leads me to a corner of the hospital. She releases me and I almost stumble from the force of it.

I rub at the indentations on my arm where her nails dug into my skin and watch as she folds her hands against her chest. "What do you want?"

Her voice brooks no nonsense and I think she's overdoing it.

Time to clear the air.

"Listen to me - I don't want this child growing in my womb, because I'm still in school and the father won't want it either." I wring my hands together, anxiety welling up inside me. "I would like your help."

At first, she stares at me, eyes unblinking as they take me in. All of a sudden, she throws her head back and laughs. "So that earlier drama was to cover the truth."

It's not a question, it's a statement of fact, and we both know it. The sides of my lips lift in a smile as I nod.

She nods as well and brings out her phone from her pocket before handing it to me. "Store your number here and I'll get back to you before the day runs out."

The relief that pours through me is palpable. With renewed energy, I collect her phone and input my phone number, saving it with my name.

"I've got a doctor friend." She continues, looking around before leaning conspiratorially towards me. "He's very good, does about twenty abortions daily. Although, if you're not far along, he'll just give you a pill to flush the little bugger away."

I wince on hearing her words. It's my fault for wanting to kill my baby and not her's. I try to shake it off but fail as tears crowd my eyes. She notices.

"There, there, now, a pretty girl like you should not be crying over some man." She inches closer and lays a hand on my arm.

There's something off about her touch. It's too personal, too cloying.

"When this is all over, you and I can get together and I'll make you feel better than any man can ever make you feel."

This time, she plasters herself against me and curls her hand around my bum. The action leaves me wide-mouthed. It shocks me into silence, but the feeling only lasts for a few seconds because I push her away from me with all the force I can muster. She stumbles and falls to the floor where she stares up at me wide-eyed.

I walk close to where she's still staring at me like she's seen the devil himself, and stoop to her level. "My man is more than enough for me, so. . . go fuck yourself."

With that parting shot, I straighten up and walk away on unsteady legs.

There really is something wrong with the world today. People feeding off on other people's pain has become the order of the day.

*

After making sure that Clarissa is undergoing blood transfusion, I leave with Night eyes and Rip. The journey home is fraught with silence. There's nothing to talk about anyway, my mind is filled with thoughts of what I'm going to do with myself here on out. They become so muddled that I'm fogged with mental tiredness, and after a few minutes, the lull of the car has me drifting off.

I'm jerked awake when the car comes to a stop. It's dark out, but I can still see the outline of the house because of the security lights. I come down, same time as Night eyes does, while Rip goes to park in the underground garage where Ash's other cars are kept. As I make to go inside, Night eyes' words stop me.

"Your secret is safe with me."

He walks off without even waiting for me to reply. That's when it dawns on me what I have to do. I can't call the nurse in order to link me up with the dead-beat doctor she talked so freely about. I won't do that to myself. With renewed energy, I make my way inside and to the bedroom I now share with Ash. Luckily, it's empty.

Good.

I don't want him to know what Im about to do.

I walk into the other room that keeps all his clothes, now mine as well, and bring out a suitcase. I begin packing all my clothes and stuffing them inside the suitcase. When I'm done, I stand back, feeling drained. It's better this way. He'll forget me soon anyway, because when push comes to shove, out of sight is out of mind. But even as the thought sails into my mind, I know without a doubt I will never forget about Ash Thunder, at least, not in this lifetime.

I make my way out of the room, wheeling the suitcase behind me but stop when I get into the corridor. The hope picture beckons to me, and once again, I find myself walking towards it. Once I stand in front of it, I trace my hands over the boy's bare back, mesmerized by how slender he is, yet how strong he seems.

"NO! IT CAN'T BE!"

I raise my head up and look in the direction I heard the shouting.

That's Ash's voice.

Is he okay?

Startled but intrigued, I straighten and make my way to his office, if only to eavesdrop. I walk stealthily, making sure not to make any noise. I shouldn't have bothered, because as I plant my ears at the door, Ash is talking at the top of his voice.

Scratch that - he's shouting.

"HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO TELL ALICIA ABOUT TANYA?"

Curiosity, they say, kills the cat. Without overthinking it, I leave my luggage at the door and walk inside his office.

"How are you going to tell me what? What has Tanya done this time around?" I ask.

All his men are there, including Night eyes and Rip. They stand solemnly, some with fisted hands, but what gets alarm bells ringing loudly in my head is when they all turn their faces away from me the moment I look at them . . . . including Ash.

Something ugly twists inside my chest.

I walk forward, my heart beating a tambourine in my chest. Once I stand directly in front of Ash, I ask again. "Tell me - I'm a big girl, I can take it. What did Tanya do?"

Ash shakes his head and turns away from where he had been staring at soundless images on the television screen, so I turn to it.

I'm just in time to see a man pointing a gun at-

"Is that Tanya?"

Realization dawns on me as a knife spears my chest. I watch in horror as Ash shoots Tanya in the chest.

Someone lets out a piercing scream.

It takes me some time to realize it.

I'm the one doing the screaming.