Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Zairas POV

"Our mate band isn't real."

Quietly.

I frowned in disbelief.

“What?"

He looked at me annoyed "Are you deaf or what?" His voice vibrated deeply and rattled from the cold.

I stared at him in amazement. Was he completely insane now?

"We're mates, of course we have a mate band."

"We may have one, but that doesn't mean it's real."

I didn't even consider his answer. Of course we were mates, even a blind man would be able to say that. I felt it with every fiber of my being, couldn't even pretend it wasn't.

I was already opening my mouth to contradict him, but he was faster than me.

"Serdas artificially created it between us, okay?" He spoke to me as if I was dumb, trying to drum into me that he was right. My mouth was still hanging open, but now because I was in shock. He really believed that I wasn't his mate. I sought him out with my gaze, trying to show him, even trying to convince him that I was his mate after all. How could he not see that? "It's just an illusion, go on nothing."

"Your cousin should have made our mate band? Only the moon goddess can bring mates together." And if I had to lash out with facts, I'd do whatever it took to show him we were mates and we belonged together.

Is that why he pushed me away?

Because he didn't believe we were mates?

My heart was beating faster and faster with the hope that there was still a chance for us.

But he didn't respond to my effort and I saw that he didn't believe me. There was no more fire in his eyes and his lips were pressed into a thin line. He was so sure he was right.

"I also feel like it's real. Don't you feel anything?" I had to reach him on another level, Aramis was too much in his mind. So I thought like my wolf, trusting her instincts.

I nullified the distance between us and now stood close in front of him. My heart pumped my blood violently through my veins and my whole body shook, not with fear, but with excitement about my next step. I had wanted it for so long, dreaming day and night that I wouldn't wait any longer. I pushed all my shyness away as far as I could because I was on a mission. I had to get my mate back.

We were now standing so close together that my breasts almost touched his torso with every breath I took, which only increased the tension. I let my gaze wander slowly over his body up to his face.

Arami's whole body was tense and his jaw clenched tightly. His wolf could be seen in his eyes and I was sure mine could be seen in them as well. My gaze sank into his and the atmosphere was so charged that the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

My chest heaved violently as I placed my hand on his chest. Aramis hissed in air and growled softly, but my wolf wasn't afraid of those growls, just wanted to play with him, seduce him and touch him. Her presence was so strong that my claws extended and ripped holes in his shirt. In retrospect, I knew I was only acting boldly because my wolf was sitting so close to the surface. When my claws touched his skin, I couldn't stop myself and ripped an opening in his shirt large enough for my hand to fit through. As soon as my hand touched his bare skin, I groaned softly. My entire body tingled and a very specific intimate part of my body suddenly became wet. His nostrils flared instantly and he let out a deep groan. "damned."

The fire in his eyes flared violently and his arms quickly pulled me to him, pressing me against him, body to body.

I was on fire Everywhere it burned with relish and longing for more. I couldn't compose a proper line of thought, let alone speak, and the reason I was trying to achieve it was long forgotten.

I just took in his presence, couldn't focus on anything else, my legs felt like they were made of pudding and I had to put my hands on his arms to keep from buckling.

I could feel him breathing heavily, too, and his heart beating against his chest. His face was so close to mine that all I had to do was lift my head and our lips would touch. I licked my lips, wondering how his lips would feel.

were they soft?

Or rather hard?

I was dying to find out, to taste it. His eyes locked on my wet lips and immediately I felt something hard throbbing against my stomach and my arousal swelled so much that the mate band pulled hard on us, urging us to complete the mark.

One moment I was still pressed against him, feeling his strong arms around me, and the other he was pushing me off him and standing across the room.

"Don't ever do that again, understand?" He sounded so dangerous and dark that the fire and any heat abruptly died away and goosebumps appeared in their place. A few moments before, we were as close as we'd ever been and now I had feeling like we couldn't be further apart than we are right now. Desperately, I took a step towards him, but he stopped me with his strength and snarled, "I. Said. Never. Again. Never!"

"Do not do that! Don't push me away again!", my voice was shaking violently, and I couldn't stop the searing bank of tears that rolled down my cheeks indignantly. "We're mates! You're my mate! How can you not see that?"

"You just don't get it, do you?" he hissed angrily. "Ever since I was little, the moon goddess made it clear to me that I could never, EVER, have a mate. She would never give me one, so it MUST have been Serdas be."

Why would Serdas do such a thing? I didn't understand this whole thing, I didn't understand why he would believe something so absurd. But...

"Then why did you save me?" I urged angrily.

"I don't fucking know!" then it exploded. He quickly turned around and smashed his fist into the wall, leaving a hole in it. He ran his bleeding hand through his hair and paced tensely. "Crap!"

The mask that had always dominated his face was gone now, and a more desperate and restless expression emerged.

"You mean nothing to me, if I could undo it I would! It wasn't me that saved you, it was my wolf who the hell still doesn't understand you're not our mate!" His words made my heart bleed again and I sobbed in agony. What was so incredibly wrong with me , that he didn't want me? I couldn't describe the pain that crushed me so badly that my throat closed and I couldn't breathe.

"My wolf tells me you're my mate, the mate band tells me you are, but I can't have a mate! I CAN'T, IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!" he raged, his chest heaving with every breath he took. He glared at me, glaring at me, and took quick steps closer, backing me against the wall and supporting himself with his right and left hands to my left.

For the first time I was really scared of him, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I pressed myself against the wall. He stopped abruptly and sniffed the air. His eyes got even darker than they already were and he growled at me. "You are afraid of me?"

My breath trembled as I looked at his chest, not daring to look directly into his eyes because now I wasn't sure if he wouldn't take it as a challenge after all and react aggressively to it. A mate would normally rather hurt themselves than hurt their mate, but I couldn't put up with that anymore. Not if I wasn't sure that what he said might be true after all.

"Good." He withdrew once more. There was nothing left of the emotional outburst just a few seconds before and he was buried under his cold mask again.

I watched him as my world threatened to collapse once more and concluded the only solution I could find. "You don't have a mate because you're not a werewolf, you're a lycan."

He didn't move a single move, he was the Aramis I knew again, menacing, iron, and ruthless. Still, even though I already knew, I had to ask.

"Is it true? What's in the history books?"

"What does it say?" dark and challenging. I felt his gaze on me, he fixed mine, but I didn't look up. Didn't want to see the darkness in him.

If I answer now, there was no turning back. I couldn't pretend I didn't know. Couldn't pretend he wasn't actually a monster. I didn't want to see him in that light, didn't want to see that he was a cold-blooded lycan who knew no mercy. I want to scream out loud that everyone was wrong, that he wasn't a beast! He had saved me from my downfall, but even that fact couldn't excuse everything he might have done before and after, no one knew that better than myself.

I couldn't close my eyes to it, I needed to face the truth and get clarity once and for all.

"Are you to blame for the deaths of thousands of innocents? Did you bring about the red age and destroy entire peoples?"

"What are you thinking?" he said, his eyes boring into my soul like I was an open book.

I bit my lip, trying to keep the words from finding a way out. I slowly raised my gaze and met his eyes, noticing the moment he recognized my answer.

"And is it true?" I couldn't help the pleading tone coming out because I was begging him. Begging him to prove me wrong, to reassure me he wasn't who everyone thought he was .

"You already know the answer." He was so far away now that he was standing in the shadows and merging with him, only his green eyes flashing. "We're wasting time here. We're going now!"

The order that came out of it couldn't be formulated more clearly, but he didn't implicate his dominance, didn't bring the hierarchy into play. "I'm staying here," I whispered.

I wish I was stronger, braver, that I would hold my head up high and not be intimidated. Not afraid of the consequences that might come my way. But I wasn't like that, the fact was that I wasn't brave and strong like Luna Heariv and never would be.

"I thought I made myself clear." The fact that he didn't yell at me and stayed calm only made me even more nervous and had every cell in my body on alert. An outburst could come at any time.

"You think I could do something to awaken Luna and Gaia? I couldn't do anything for her, absolutely nothing! And since I'm not your mate, there's no reason for me to come with you, you don't even like me."

I didn't tell him that in truth my heart was very different, urging me to follow his every step, but then what? He claims I'm not his mate, which I couldn't comment on, it felt too real.

So apparently he needs me just for Gaia and Luna for whatever reason on earth and by the time I'd done everything he needed me to do I'd be tired of him again. He would leave me again and then I would be on my own again. Yes, it would seem so because he didn't want me, and never would, whether I was his mate or not and I was tired of begging for something I couldn't have anyway.

“I like this pack, they care about me and treat me well. I'm sick of begging for love, here it is!"

"Oh, only two days here and you think you're already a real member and loved, how sweet." His eyes rested appraisingly on me as I flinched in hurt, his words felt like stab wounds.

Why didn't I hate him? I should hate him as much as I hated Alpha Blake. Why didn't I see that he was exactly the same as him? Images popped up in my mind of him yelling at me, exposing me to my deepest fears, and abandoning me to a new pack, rejecting and abandoning me. Told me he didn't want me.

"At least better days than with you! Where you insult me and hurt me, humiliate me and destroy me. No thanks." His eyes blazed with fire.

"Listen, I tried the easy way, but it doesn't seem to work for you," he whispered, slowly emerging from the shadows. "How about the less gentle way?"

I froze. I knew that phrase all too well. I just shook my head over and over again. The blood was pounding in my ears, my sweaty hands were shaking and my vision was blurred. The already dried tears were covered by new ones, which began to flow in streams. I felt transported back to when Alpha Blake was terrorizing me, couldn't stop the memories, they were all pouring down on me as Aramis kept coming my way.

"Either you come with me, or every single one of this pack will drop dead before you can even blink. Your decision."

I stumbled backwards with a dizzy feeling, sobbing as Aramis' face suddenly became Alpha Blake's. I shuddered with horror.

"No, no," I slid my head in and held out my open palm to him, hoping to stop Blake. "Please don't!" my voice trembled as violently as my whole body, which slowly huddled together and sank to the ground. But the figure could not be stopped, Alpha Blake's shoes came into my view and I noticed too late how a hand approached my face. I was already squinting my eyes for fear of feeling a brutal slap in the face, but I never imagined what would happen next.

His hand rested gently on my cheek. I gasped in surprise and looked up. Aramis knelt in front of me and regarded me with his beautiful green eyes, almost worried. His thumb ran soothingly up and down my cheek and my pulse dropped immediately, catapulting me back into reality. Though I still had trouble catching my breath evenly, his mere proximity calmed me in a way no one had before and I began to recover from my panic attack. Sighing inwardly, I snuggled into his palm and closed my eyes, just enjoying his closeness for a moment.

"Just say yes," although his warm hand was a complete distraction, I refused to move away from her. I seriously considered it, weighing my options. If I went along, I was bound to get hurt , maybe I wouldn't bleed physically, but my heart would. Nevertheless, I was well aware that this was no joke and that he was quite capable of making his words all too true. I couldn't let that Something happened to the Silverstorm pack, and then, for my sake, as if I didn't bring enough trouble already. "Today, wolfie."

Even though he had hurt me in a way Alpha Blake never could, I knew in my heart that he would never lay hands on me.

He was different from Alpha Blacke .

So my decision was made.

"Okay." I ground out, unable to string several words together. His expression showed no reaction. I could just shy away from myself for thinking just a little bit that he'd be genuinely pleased that I agreed, too had what a stupid thought.

"Go then." with that he got up and waited for me to do the same. And I did. Still swaying a bit, I rolled myself onto my legs.

"Where are we going?" I asked. I needed a distraction from the fact that I'd just headlong agreed to what could very well be the biggest mistake of all.

"To the south."