Chapter 13: Chapter 13
Zaira's POV
I just swallowed the last bite of this heavenly - I repeat, this heavenly one! - Pancakes down when there was a soft knock on the wooden door and it squeaked open. Red hair, shimmering in the sun, flashed at the entrance.
Luna Heariv.
Despite her impressive size, which made her look like a model thanks to her long legs, she didn't have to duck under the door frame and walked in with her graceful gait. She smiled brightly at me, but I didn't let that fool me, I knew those flawless, white-seeming teeth could turn into razor-sharp teeth in a matter of seconds.
As she walked towards me, I shook my white now-dry hair behind my ear, trembling, unable to hide my nervousness and instinctively took a step back when she was only a few meters away from me.
I watched her every move, ready to dodge a punch. Although I fixed my eyes on her, I never drew my eyes to hers, because even if she had allowed me to do this yesterday, for whatever incomprehensible reason, I certainly didn't assume that this would always be allowed from now on was. And being one of the submissive wolves by nature, I would hate to defy such a dominant wolf. But even if I were a dominant wolf, I would be too scared, too traumatized, to muster anything but obedience.
However, Luna Heariv was undeterred by my backing down and kept her beaming smile. "Zaira, nice to see you. How are you?" her soft voice lulled me and invited trust. Nonetheless, my heart rate was racing.
Several seconds passed before I answered. Nobody had ever asked me about my well-being.
"Good." Short and quiet, that's all I could get out.
She glanced at my new clothes and then the empty plates on the dining table to my left before nodding in satisfaction.
"I see you enjoyed your breakfast." Instantly nervous I could be punished for this act, I kicked from one leg to the other. How much longer would she stall me? I clenched my hands tightly as I waited for her next words. "Come on, let's sit down at the table and have some warm tea." she didn't wait for my answer, but ran straight into the adjoining kitchen and put the water on. Stunned, I watched her as she took two mugs from the closet and filled them with the now-boiled hot water, then, judging by the cinnamon scent, added chai teabags.
"Sugar and milk?" she asked without looking up.
"Both please." I breathed dazedly, and you'd think no one but me would ever hear my words, but our werewolf hearing never failed us, giving us an excellent ability to pick up sounds several miles away.
As she added sugar and milk to both cups, she placed them on the ornate wooden dining table and sat down in one of the four chairs with a woolly sigh.
I was still standing in the same place with the same puzzled expression as minutes before.
What the moon goddess was all this about?
I just couldn't make sense of this Luna.
She nodded for me to sit down as well, looking straight into my eyes. I quickly averted my gaze and bowed my head respectfully. Not wanting to get myself into further trouble, I sat across from her at the table. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants and then grabbed my mug. Even if I was already warm enough and didn't need more warmth, I enjoyed the heat that emanated from my cup of tea. I couldn't remember when I had my last cup of tea, so I savored the scent of chai. A woolly sigh escaped me and I closed my eyes blissfully.
It wasn't until a little later that I remembered that I wasn't the only person in the room and gasped in shock.
"Zaira dear, you may look me in the eye." she spoke softly, yet firmly.
I froze, my eyes still closed, but I realized it wasn't an order.
"You don't have to be afraid, I won't hurt you or punish you in any other way."
Yesterday I wondered why I shouldn't do it. Today I wondered why she wanted me to look into her eyes? Why did she want that? What reason did she have?
I just didn't get it. In another life, I might consider that it would be a gesture of kindness and honor to me, but I'd been through too much already.
Nothing was more repugnant to me than to behave so disrespectfully and boldly towards a Luna, now my Luna, as to return her gaze and thus challenge her. I didn't want to take that risk for anything in the world, because unlike yesterday, my numbness was receding more and more and my survival instinct was slowly coming to the fore again.
"Everything is fine Zaira, you can trust me." Trust? When was I ever able to trust anyone. The last one I trusted rejected me ruthlessly and abandoned me. The last thing I wanted to do was trust anyone.
"I promise you." she sounded sincere. I remained silent and made no move to look up. That wasn't because I opposed her, no, I would never go that far. The only reason I hadn't yet complied with her request was because it was just that, a request . She didn't order me to. Not yet.
Out of nowhere, she gently grabbed my hand. I flinched and was about to pull my hand away when she tightened her grip and held me tight. I immediately spasmed and clenched my eyelids tighter as I waited for the pain to set in. Several minutes passed. Nothing happened.
Her fingers stroked my hand soothingly as my heart slowly calmed, as did my breathing.
"Open your eyes honey." I slowly and hesitantly opened my eyes and let my eyes travel up to her face until they reached her eyes. Purple eyes met brown ones, her hand still clasping mine.
"What I'm about to tell you doesn't apply to the Darkmoon pack, but it applies to most other packs, including ours." a soft smile played on her lips. "I know it's going to be hard for you to believe me, but please forget what you've been through in your previous pack, because that's not normal at all."
I furrowed my eyebrows suspiciously.
"I can understand you better than you think, because I was you once.", she gave me an intense look and her eyes glowed. "I was also part of a violent pack, abused and considered worthless."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Beautiful, strong Luna should have been like me? in my position? Hurt and unloved by everyone? No, that couldn't be true.
Apparently she saw my disbelief because, while I couldn't figure out how, she looked even deeper into my eyes, as if she could will herself to convince me that she was. But I just couldn't believe her words.
"But you're a dominant wolf," I said, although she hadn't asked me a question or asked me to speak. I widened my eyes in shock, but deep down I had the feeling that she wouldn't be mad at me for that. And I was right.
"That's right, I'm dominant." Nobody could overlook that, or rather smell it, because the natural scent that everyone possessed also contained the hierarchy and the strong dominance of the Luna could not be denied. I was way down in the hierarchy, but she was almost at the top. So how could someone who was so high up be declared weak? It couldn't be that all the wolves in her past pack were above her.
"However, that didn't matter to my Luna at the time. She had lost her mate, the alpha of our packs, when he was killed in a rogue attack and became an embittered fury. She lost her love for her pack and left hers Anger and sadness at the helpless children who had lost their parents in this attack and were now unprotected.
I was one of those kids too. Our pack was small and weakened from that attack so that most of the officers and dominant soldiers were either dead or injured and only a few older and submissive wolves remained who either had children of their own or were in such deep grief that they didn't appreciate the fact of what horrible things were happening in their own pack. I was only 10 at the time, couldn't stand up to my own Luna, and was too scared to seek help that I'd been in this agony for years."
Her hand tightened slightly around mine, but I doubt she even felt it. However, what made me believe her was her eyes. I saw her remember back in time, saw the pain in her eyes. The same pain I saw in the mirror every day. That's why I believed her.
"One day I ran away. It was sheer luck that I caught the moment when two more rogues attacked the pack again, allowing me to slip away unnoticed. In my escape, I accidentally strayed into foreign territory..." , her tightened lips relaxed again and twisted into a smile I was beginning to recognize. "and ran right into my mate's arms."
I knew that things would go well for her from then on, and I felt that I was happy for her. Still, I couldn't help but think about my own story. Instead of finding happiness with my mate, I only got hurt more.
"I was initially suspicious of his pack, like you, but I quickly realized I had a very distorted picture. The packs we've known about Zaira aren't the norm! There are good, loving packs that one have healthy and family cohesion." she snapped me out of my saddened thoughts and gently squeezed my hand.
I didn't know if I could really trust her, but at least I would listen to her. The longing for a loving family was too great for me to stop my fear of being hurt and not dare to try.