Chapter 37: Chapter 37

On a bright spring day, one day, Sharon went into David's office with a pile of letters to discuss with him and he looked round at her with a spontaneous smile full of warmth.

'Good morning Sharon, you look being pregnant really becomes you. You look livelier than I have ever seen you.

She put the letters on his desk, grimacing. 'Thanks but I feel absolutely huge'.

'How much longer till the baby arrives?'

'It's due in five weeks.

They both looked down at her bulge indulgently and as they did, she felt the fluttering little kick that kept coming these days like an internal hiccup.

David gave a little gasp. 'I saw that. You tummy kind of rippled... what was that?'

'The baby kicking, silly', she said grinning at him.

He gave her an uncertain look. 'Can I...would you mind if I...?

'What?' she asked laughing.

'Feelbit?' he said a little pink.

She was a little taken aback but she was also touched by his fascination at the changes taking place in her body during these months. In his mid forties and having been married and no doubts having been in other relationships too over the years, David was still oddly innocent in some respects. He had missed out on children. Didn't seem to know much about the process of having a baby and was constantly asking her questions about it. He had even read a book about it the previous week.

Sometimes she felt that he was having the baby with her and she knew that he obvious interest had intensified the belief around the bank that David was the father.

'If you want to, of course', she gently told him and he gave her a shy smile, then tentatively laid his hand on the bulge under her black and white check smock but the baby had lapsed into somnolence and nothing happened.

David looked disappointed.'It's stopped'.

'Yes, it only kicks when you don't want it to'.

'I bet it's female', he teased and then hesitantly asked, 'Will I be able to hear it's heartbeat?'

Her green eyes smiled with passionate amusement. 'If you want to listen, go ahead. Be my guest'.

Totally absorbed, he leaned his ear against her, his cheek laid along her tummy and she looked down at his head, gleaming silver in the spring sunlight, with amusement, a smile curving her mouth. His secretary had gone out a moment after Sharon arrived, leaving his door slightly ajar. A movement in the corridor, caught Sharon's attention, she glanced that way and met the searing flash of black eyes.

Bryan was gone before she could react. White to her hairline, she shut her eyes, fighting not to let David see her pain.

'I can hear a sort of rustling sound's, he said his cheek still pressing down on her. 'Like somebody crunching up paper but rhythmic too. Do you think that could be the baby's heart?'

She swallowed before she could answer. 'Probably'. Her voice sounded quiet but surprisingly normal.

'Weren't you tempted when you did the scan to let them tell you what sex it was ?' asked David, 'I would have been. I'm dying to know if it's a boy or a girl'.

'I prefer to wait'.

'Not long now, it's growing everyday', David said dreamily. 'I can't wait to see it.I wonder what it would look like.You or Bryan. Will it be dark or a red head? Green eyes or black? I can't wait to find out'.

In the beginning when he had first known that she was pregnant, he had said, 'I won't be here to see it born'.

Now she noted with glowing tears in her eyes, he talked with absolute certainty of being around to find out all the answers to all his curiosity about the baby.

There had been some deep change over the months of her pregnancy. He had turned again towards life, from the shadows into the light. She had a very strong instinct that he wasn't going to die. Her heart leapt like a salmon but she resisted the temptation to tell him. At her suggestion, they had not mentioned the word death since they got back from Vienna after Christmas. She had wanted David to stop dwelling on it, turn his mind to life and she still did.

David suddenly got up, sat on his chair and fiddled with a gold fountain pen on his desk and without looking at her said, 'I wish it were my baby! I wish you had married me, you know. Give me a chance to help you and the baby. We still could, Sharon. I wish you could change your mind. Marry me at once, let me give your baby my name. It will make me very happy. Your baby has given me a reason for living'.

'Oh, David, that's the loveliest thing anyone ever said to me', she said huskily. 'But life itself is the best reason for living'. She put her hands over his on the desk. 'I have to say no again but I must admit that I am touched'.

He sighed. 'I can't persuade you to change your mind?'

'No, David. I wouldn't do that to you. Any day, you might meet someone special and want to marry again - Oh, I know there would never be another Elizabeth but life is full of surprises. You are much too young to shut the door on love. You will find it again, when you least expect it. Look at the change in you since Christmas, You look so we'll, these days, you're a different man. You are putting on a little weight, your colour is good. and your eyes are bright. What you need now is some outside interest, take up a hobby, painting, pottery, golf... anything to get you involved with people again'.

'Funny you should say that. My therapist has been saying something very similar', David said. 'You aren't in a conspiracy with him, are you?'

She laughed. 'Its just common sense and there is a client - therapist confidence that is ethically impossible to break except if absolutely necessary'. She hesitated and then took the risk of asking, 'When do you have your next series of tests?'

'In a few days. Keep your fingers crossed for me, will you?' David said.