Chapter 40: Chapter 40

CHAPTER FORTY

ROXANNE

I stared down at the fishes in the fish tank a little too long to realize my fingers were growing numb from gripping the edges tightly and my breaths were ragged. I watch the fishes swim with no care in the world, breathing in and out— surviving, thriving!

I was jealous of them.

Yeah it was dumb as fuck to be jealous of fishes but as much as I was jealous of them— something about them triggered my inner trauma.

The longer I stared, the more I seemed to notice things that I didn't notice. One of the fishes was trying to swim to the surface, then it stopped. Not because it wanted to, but because it was trapped in a tiny fish mouth.

I could hear my breath loud and clear as I watched it happen. The fish was rather tiny and it looked starved but it managed to stomach a larger fish. The water was now covered in blood and the fishes were slowly dying.

“Lady Roxanne,” Beta Miles' voice cut through my mind, snapping me out of my other world.

I forcefully tore my eyes from the tank and stared at the Beta. “Huh?”

“It's been seven minutes now. I think you may break your fingers or the tank from gripping tightly.”

I gave a small smile and looked back at the fish tank. Everything was normal, the fishes swam and there was no blood. Something abnormal was wrong with me.

Beta Miles put his hands in his pocket. “It seems to me that you like fish.”

“No,” I said sharply and then lowered my voice when people turned to look at me. “Actually I hate them.”

“I'm sorry I assumed,” he said, then looked at me. “Is there any reason you hate them though?”

Of course there was. And it was nine years ago.

I was thirteen and I loved the fishes in the sea. Mostly, the Alphas in white moon and other elders could communicate with the fishes because of the healing water. No children or adults were allowed to go in, except they were with a ruler.

It was almost like they worshiped the fishes and no one ever drowned or died in the water. It was said the fishes brought people back to the surface and saved them from death. It wasn't a myth. It was real and I had seen it happen before with my eyes.

I wanted to be like those fishes or their queen. I dreamed of becoming a mermaid which was really dumb but I was just a kid. I loved them, I wasn't so smart so I didn't really study about them. But I loved that they could do what no one else could— breathe underwater.

It made them exceptional.

I was thirteen and young and I had told Zane I was going to be worshiped like the fishes someday. I didn't know I would regret my words minutes later. I didn't know anything about sibling rivalry. I was only thirteen and I loved my brother.

Zane told me to come with him to the sea, so I could see the fishes. He told me he was going to be the Alpha and he had told the fishes about me and they loved me. Sike! I was thirteen and dumb.

I was happy and I believed every word he said. I mean, how could you blame me? It wasn't everyday I got a genuine smile from my brother and it wasn't everyday my brother supported and wanted to be a part of my dreams. I raced down to the sea with my brother. He told me to close my eyes that he was going to take my hand and lead me to the water.

But in the deep was where the fishes were, waiting to see me and I wouldn't drown nor die and that when they bring me back to the shore, he would lead me back home.

And he did take my hand and lead me to the shore. I closed my eyes as he wrapped his hand around mine, protectively. I was scared but I had belief in him and his grip was enough comfort.

When my legs touched the water, my brother let go of my hand and pushed me aggressively into the water. I shivered. I could feel it now, the freezing current of the water, the cold seeping into my bones. I thrashed around in fear, I couldn't scream and I couldn't fight. I raised my head up and saw my brother’s back was to the sea and he was walking away.

The dark water consumed me, dragging me in and no matter how much I flailed it was pointless. I tried to scream but I consumed water into my lungs. My throat sealed shut and blocked my gasps for air.

I was going to die. I prayed silently to the moon goddess and the fishes as I floated beneath the surface but nothing happened. I couldn't fight it anymore. I took my last breath, or so, I thought. My hand extended up reaching and reaching, hoping zane would grab it like he promised, but I couldn't reach anything anymore.

The fishes didn't come to my rescue like they did everybody else. Neither did the moon goddess.

I was thirteen when I knew betrayal and resentment and I was thirteen when I knew family were the ones who would destroy you.

Clap clap.

I stared at Beta Miles. “Are you okay? This is the third time you're zoning out. Do you need to rest? Should we continue our tour tomorrow?”

I reluctantly nodded and glared at the fishes in the tank before walking away. I dragged myself to my bedroom and locked the door. I did the first thing I wanted to do– strip. I stripped and slipped into my shorts only. I lay shirtless on my bed and gazed at the ceiling.

I was still scared of the water. Not the one that rushed from the shower, but the sea. I was terrified of taps that wouldn't stop running. I was terrified that the first person who had ever tried to kill me was Zane.

I turned over in bed as the evening breeze found its way through my window and kissed my bare body. I had always tried to remember how I got out of the water but the last thing I remembered was me reaching for Zane’s hand and not finding it.

Nine years ago, I realized my words had triggered my brother. He wanted to be worshiped and he couldn't bear the thoughts of worshiping his baby sister. The hand that had held me protectively was the same hand that led me to my death. It was the same hand that hit me hard across the face and it was the same hand that had also wiped my tears many years back.

It was funny how things changed.

I remember being yelled at by the elders. And Zane, he had lied. He didn't tell them he told the mermaids about me or that he led me there. He told them he hadn't seen me that day! I was beaten up as a scapegoat for other children who had thoughts of attempting it and the people called me ‘cursed.’

They told me I was rejected because the fishes didn't come to save me or rescue me, but who saved me, I had no idea. That night in my bedroom, nine years ago,I sobbed noisily. Zane came to knock at my door and told me to stop ruining his sleep.

I asked him why he had lied and he told me ‘how would you believe I would hold your hand when neither of us can swim?’ And I realized the depth of my foolishness. That day I learnt a lesson. Before he left, I asked him why he said he hadn't seen me that day and he said. ‘I didn't expect you to come back alive. That was my answer anyway, in case you had died. So they won't look up to me as my brother's keeper.’

Nine years ago, today, I believed I was cursed. Because the day I fell into the water was the last time the fishes communicated with people or saved them.

***

I turned and tossed in bed, finding it difficult to sleep. I could hear the voices of people down below. It was hardly ever quiet in Red Moon. It was either you heard the sound of people or you heard the sound of weapons.

I dragged myself out of bed and to my window. I peeked down and saw the people training. My eyes gleamed with delight as I watched the women train. Sweat trickled down their body but their eyes gleamed with determination. They swung their swords effortlessly, blocking and striking. I admired them and I wanted to be like them someday.

I couldn't hold a sword but I was sure I could learn. Then I thought about Ryker. I hadn't seen him in days now, since he brought the seer but I needed company. I hated how irritating and accurate he was at times but I would choose it than listen to the sound of swords. Also, I had a request he hadn't given an answer to.

I pulled my cardigan over my small frame and stepped outside my room, my woven slippers softly tapping the mahogany. I walked down the halls till I got to the door of his office. That was where he spent most of his time so I figured he would be there.

I hesitated at the door, contemplating on whether to knock or return to my room and to the noises of sword clashing. The door slowly opened and I saw Ryker. He gazed boringly into my eyes and arched his brow as if to question why I was here.

“Huh, hi. I need company.”