Agreeing to Create Bad Games, What the Hell Is ‘Titanfall’? Chapter 59
Let’s talk about the most iconic element in Chinese horror—
Ghost marriages are definitely at the top of the list.
A ghost marriage means finding a spouse for a deceased man or woman. This "spouse" could either be another deceased person or even a living person.
Such a terrifying, even cruel ritual has naturally become the source of countless supernatural legends.
Because of these stories, people in Huaguo have developed an innate fear of such scenarios.
Skeleton spirits, Satanic demons?
All of them pale in comparison to the sheer horror of a ghost marriage.
“Hold up... was the game designer some kind of psycho? This is f***ing nuts!”
Liu Peiqie’s voice was practically shaking.
‘Shengzi-ge is straight up twisted.’
‘This dude’s insane—he knows exactly what scares Huaguo people.’
‘An old mansion... the perfect ghost-hunting map for Huaguo players.’
‘Honestly, Shengzi doesn’t even need to do anything. Just set up some paper effigies, throw in a couple of dim red lanterns, and players’ imaginations will do the rest.’
‘This map is too much... it’s not just scaring the players, even I’m shivering as a viewer.’
‘I’ve turned on every light in the house.’
‘I need a bathroom break first.’
‘I’m wrapping myself in a blanket. Ghosts can’t get people inside a blanket.’
‘You know your full defense mode.’
‘Just don’t let your feet stick out from the blanket, okay...’
‘You guys are so superstitious. Me? I’m chilling, watching the stream in front of Guan Yu’s statue without a care.’
With the sound of four pairs of footsteps, the group made their way across the courtyard and reached the front hall.
Leading the way, Teacher Ma lifted the EMF detector, scanned for any ghostly readings, and once he confirmed the room was clear, he slowly pushed the door open.
Creak——
The old wooden door groaned, a sound that made your teeth ache.
Inside the front hall, it was dimly lit.
Only two white candles flickered faintly on the Eight Immortals table at the center of the room, their small flames casting eerie glows.
On the left-side armchair, there was a black-and-white photo of a man.
The right-side armchair, however, sat empty.
And that’s exactly what they didn’t want to see—
Xiuniang, the ghost they were hunting this time, was the ghost bride sacrificed in this ghost marriage.
The objective was clear—next up, they had to summon the ghost.
The four looked at each other, then started passing the buck like crazy—
“Come on, Qiezi, give it a shout!”
“I can’t... my throat’s not great recently. How about you, Di-zong? You’d totally hit it off with a female ghost!”
“Not really my thing... Donggua should go, his voice carries!”
“No way, I can’t show off in front of you seniors. I pick Teacher Ma—he’s contributed so much to the team...”
“No, no, I shouldn’t steal the spotlight. You go.”
“No, no, you go.”
“Or maybe he should go.”
“Not me for sure.”
For a while, the four of them stood frozen at the door, arguing back and forth, each retreating further behind the other.
The chat exploded with laughter—
‘《FPS Zone: Brotherly Love Edition》’
‘They’re all just cowards and pervs at heart.’
‘Especially with expert mode having no grace period—ghosts can hunt at any time.’
‘Seriously, just get someone to do their job.’
‘Watch your timing when you enter.’
‘《Ultimate Tug-of-War》’
‘Keep bickering like this and you’ll get wiped out.’
Maybe it was the chat’s reminders, maybe it was the realization that they’d end up back at the front gate if they kept stalling, but finally—
Donggua stepped up!
“Alright! Alright! I’ve got a suggestion!”
Donggua raised both hands like that ‘listen to me, guys’ meme shiba dog.
“How about this—let’s leave it to fate, alright?”
The others nodded, intrigued: “Sure, how’s that gonna work?”
Seeing they agreed, Donggua clapped his hands.
“Listen up! It’ll be totally fair—”
Following his lead, they all entered the room, slammed the door shut, then dragged the Eight Immortals table right into the center.
Next, Donggua placed each of their flashlights at the four corners, and set up the dot projector on top of the table.
The dot projector was originally meant to detect ghost movement. Turned on, it worked like a disco ball. Combined with the four flashlights,
the once-creepy ghost marriage shrine instantly turned into an absurdly familiar setup.
And at that moment—
The chat seemed to realize what these maniacs were about to do—
‘???’
‘The ghost’s like: I’ve got a bad feeling about this...’
‘Wait a minute... are you guys trying to...’
‘Someone needs to check on Donggua’s brain.’
‘If all else fails, try traditional medicine?’
‘Something seriously messed up is about to go down.’
‘Wait! Donggua’s handing out glowsticks now?!’
‘Weren’t those supposed to be for detecting ghost footprints?!’
‘Disco ball... flashlights... glowsticks... this is...’
‘A c—club?!!!’
“Alright, guys!”
Once everything was set, Donggua clapped his hands:
“Ready?!”
Rea——dy——!!!
They weren’t stupid. Just by looking at the setup, everyone knew exactly what kind of mess Donggua was about to stir up!
But—
At this point, there was no turning back.
Because backing out now would mean being branded as cowards and pervs for life!
As everyone got into position,
Donggua held the glowstick to his mouth—
“Ladies and gentlemen! Coming at you live from DJ Donggua—let’s party!!!”
With a shout—
The public comms blared to life with an upbeat DJ track!
Donggua started swaying in time with the music.
“One, two, three! Phoenix Dance to the Heavens!”
Dun-ts dun-ts!
“Music Factory! Dance Party!”
Dun-ts dun-ts!
“Let me see those hands up—Woohoo!!!”
The next second—
Total chaos.
Dun-ts dun-ts! Dun-ts dun-ts!
Glowsticks flailing wildly, the intense DJ beat blending perfectly with the dot projector’s dancing lights.
That’s right—
Donggua’s ‘leave it to fate’ plan was actually a ‘death by disco’ move:
Force Xiuniang out by making her furious, so they could gather ghost intel at the cost of sacrificing one unlucky soul.
This insane and hilarious stunt had the chat going absolutely nuts—
“Holy sht, they’re turning a ghost shrine into a rave!”
“These fing idiots, man, hahaha!”
“So one of you’s getting sacrificed, huh?”
“I can’t... I’m laughing so hard I’m getting lightheaded!”
“Bring your own cement! Meet at the village gate!”
“(Dance) (Dance) (Dance)”
“Holy sht, what a signature move!”
“The King of Hell’s like: why are there four emo kids flashing on my death list?”
“Xiuniang’s cursing her luck—why can she only take one at a time?”
“You guys just want to die, huh?”
“Wait a sec... who’s the real ghost here?”
“This is so out of pocket...”
“Xiuniang’s like: What the f is all this noise?”
“God, I’m laughing so hard I’m crying, hahahahaha...”
“This is so f***ing ridiculous... Xiuniang must feel like she’s the unlucky one running into you clowns.”
“……”
Remember—
This was an expert-level map.
Ghosts had no downtime, they could get triggered and go into hunt mode at any moment.
So, before they even had time to enjoy the party—
Less than thirty seconds in—
The candles in the room went out with a whoosh!
All the flashlights started flickering.
The atmosphere? Even more like a club now!
“It’s hunting!!!”
Amid the pounding DJ beat, Donggua let out a shriek!
Fear and excitement collided, adrenaline spiking through the roof!
Everyone scanned the room in a panic—
“Nothing there?”
Liu Peiqie looked around, no sign of a ghost.
“Yeah... I don’t see anything either...”
Liu Di and Teacher Ma also glanced around—
Not a single ghost in sight.
No ghostly figures either.
But—
Just as everyone was feeling confused—
Donggua felt something thin brush across his vision.
Instinctively, he reached up to swat it away, looked up—
And saw—
A ghastly pale face, right in front of him, practically nose to nose.
The woman was hanging upside down from the beam,
her red wedding dress and hair dangling like a curtain.
Her white, bloated face was streaked with blood flowing from hollow eye sockets.
Her mouth—
Wider than a football—
Open, as if she could swallow a human head whole.
Snap!
There was no pause whatsoever!
Donggua vanished on the spot!
And in the upper-right corner of the game’s UI, a disconnect message popped up, showing that he had completely crashed!
Totally freaked out—disconnected right then and there!
At that moment!
The remaining three all witnessed an image that would haunt them forever—
They lost it.
The three of them screamed so loud, it was like they were trying to blow the roof off the old mansion!
“F***!!! Ruuuun! F***, f*** you, f*** your whole family—!!!”
They flung down the glowsticks and bolted like crazy!
Behind them, as the ghost’s terrifying laughter rang out, they saw Xiuniang drop from the beam above.
Her joints twisted grotesquely as she landed, crouching like a spider, and then she scuttled toward the three of them at lightning speed!
Liu Peiqie felt like his heart was about to explode!
In a panic, he grabbed President Di and took off in a mad dash.
They ran from the front hall toward the east wing, and eventually found a large wardrobe.
They tumbled inside, slamming the doors shut.
“Holy sht!!! Holy sht, holy sht!!! Hold the door shut!”
“I’m holding it, I’m holding it!”
“We’re screwed! It’s yanking on the door!”
“Ahhhhhh f**! Hold it tight, Peiqie, hold it tight!!!”
“WDNMD, I’m already pulling as hard as I can!!!”
“Mistake! Big mistake, I’m sorry, madam!”
“I won’t do it again! I’ll never do it again, I swear—”
“……”
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Bang——
Finally!
When the dust settled and the EMF stopped beeping, the force shaking the wardrobe doors vanished.
It took a full two minutes before Liu Peiqie and Liu Di dared to let out a breath of relief inside the wardrobe.
“Phew——holy sh*t——”
“Think we’re safe now?”
“Probably... the EMF’s not going off anymore.”
“Sh-should we... check outside?”
“Let’s go...”
As they spoke, Liu Peiqie slowly let go of the door, pushing it open a crack.
Creak——
Outside... nothing.
The red-dressed Xiuniang seemed to have finished her hunt and gone quiet again.
But the problem was...
Who exactly had she hunted?
Liu Peiqie and Liu Di exchanged a glance—
And then their faces both twisted in horror!
“Holy sh*t!!!”
“Lao Ma!!!”
With a loud crash, the two of them pushed the wardrobe doors open.
And right in front of them, lying on the ground—
was Lao Ma’s body!
He’d died right outside the wardrobe, one hand even resting on the wardrobe’s edge!
In that instant!
A terrible suspicion crept into their hearts.
“Don’t tell me...”
“The person who was yanking on the wardrobe door earlier...”
“Wasn’t the ghost?”
“...but Lao Ma???”
Before they could finish the thought, a message popped up in the lower-left corner of the game’s chat—
【Wuhu Teacher Ma: Sorry, my mic bugged out just now.】
D*mn——!!!
The crushing realization hit them like a truck!
Especially for Liu Peiqie—he immediately wore the ultimate pain face, clutching his head, on the verge of tears.
Because just now, he’d been the one pulling the hardest on that door—
leading directly to Teacher Ma’s death!
“Ah... ah... ah...!!!”
The next second, a wail erupted through the livestream! A full-on, funeral-level wail!
“Lao Ma, noooo——ah——!!!”
“Lao Ma——!!!”
“Ahhhhhhhhh——!!!”
The effect? Explosive.
The viewers were laughing their heads off—
‘HAHAHAHA holy sht! That was incredible! Just incredible!’
‘This content is absolutely maxed out! The production value, man!!!’
‘Ever since they started raving in the ghost shrine, I haven’t stopped laughing. And now, they even managed to pull off something this insane!!!’
‘Quick! Who can play the suona?!’
‘If Teacher Ma doesn’t get a white sheet over him today, it’s a crime against Liu Peiqie’s performance...’
‘I’m exhausted from laughing, seriously, I have zero energy left. Someone, save me...’
‘This scene needs to be added to the Beijing Film Academy curriculum.’
‘He’s crying harder than if Teacher Ma actually died IRL.’
‘I officially declare this another Shark All-Time Great Moment—right up there with 《Daddy’s Working》!’
‘《Qiezi Mourns Ma》’
‘HAHAHAHA I can’t even anymore!’
‘This game is next level! Scary, hilarious—truly deserving of the hype!’
‘I won’t accept anyone’s YiYou x1 page not having this game on it!’
‘Fug-ge with the v50 donation for Teacher Ma!’
‘HAHAHAHA holy sht!’
‘...’
Meanwhile...
“...Yeah, for my paper, I used the monthly real effective exchange rate data for Huaguo’s currency post the July 2005 revaluation, and for the trade balance variables, I used the National Bureau of Statistics’ IM and EX data, then seasonally adjusted and log-transformed them...”
“Okay, then I’ll run unit root tests for each variable in line with the theory. Got it.”
“Alright, thank you, Professor. I’ll send the revised draft to your email later. Bye-bye.”
Click.
Late at night.
Shen Miaomiao ended a 90-minute voice call, closed her laptop, and let out a long sigh of relief.
Raising both fists above her head, she gave a massive stretch.
“Ah——my God, I’m exhausted...”
These past few days, she’d been busy with her thesis.
Not that her thesis was particularly complicated—
It was just that she’d been way too much of a slacker before, and hadn’t written a single word.
Originally, her plan was to finish it right before the deadline.
But then, out of nowhere, her advisor told her that they were planning to showcase her thesis, 《A Study on Huaguo’s Currency Exchange Rates and International Trade Balance》, in a public defense session, with officials from the Ministry of Education in attendance.
That was a disaster.
She’d had to scramble: drafting, revising, compiling literature, coordinating with her advisor.
An entire week of non-stop work!
Luckily, since the company didn’t have any projects at the moment, she, as the “slacker CEO,” didn’t have to go “supervise the big picture.”
Otherwise, if she had to juggle both company and thesis, she’d have been screwed.
Stretching her sore shoulders, Shen Miaomiao glanced at the desk calendar.
There it was—
Today’s date circled in red.
Shen Miaomiao blinked, then slapped her thigh.
“Ah! I totally lost track of time—today’s the Phasmophobia season settlement day!”