Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. The sound rouse me from my deep sleep. I groan holding my head to stop the dizziness.

“My head.” I moan painfully. I open my eyes first noticing the hospital gown on me. Not again. I fall on my back holding my tears in. When will it ever stop? Then I heard voices outside my room.

“We thought wrong Mr. Whyte, recent scan says she won’t survive longer as we thought.”

“What do you mean doctor?” Dad? He sighs deeply.

“She barely has months if not weeks to live. It keeps growing bigger and soon she won’t be able to survive on just the medications…”

“Doctor please help my baby. She’s all I got.” Mom cuts in crying.

“The only way to help her is through operating. We have to take our chances with it. It’s a fifty-fifty thin thread. I understand she’s scared but there’s always a possibility she’ll survive.”

Dad sighs comforting mom who sob on his shoulders. I frown facing out the window. I just have months left. How many? One? Two? Or maybe its weeks. I sniff wiping an escape tear away. Feeling the urge to scream out my anger, I close my eyes clasping my mouth with both hands, I sob. I sob my pains out, bone shaking sob left me whimpering in silence. Why? Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Tears pour down my eyes freely and I look up saying a silent but painful prayer.

Through the transparent little glass on the door, I see dad hug mom who kept crying. They don’t deserve this, none of them do and it hurts to see them this way. Quickly I dry my eyes and right myself in fake sleep when I notice they were about to come in.

“Hey baby, are you awake?” I hate to do this to them giving them a fake sleepy yawn.

“Yes, mom, I am now.”

She smiles this time I see it didn’t reach her eyes, usually when she smiles, it shows on her face, not only her lips smile, her cheeks flush, her eyes twinkle and her brows rise. I expected to see that face but I didn’t, dad watches me wearily with a sad smile and I felt like bawling my eyes again but I held back.

“Bailey had to leave because her parents just got back in town earlier than expected.” I smile picturing the look on her face when she sees them. The memory of how bad I treated her makes me frown.

Twiddling my thumbs together I ask, “What did the doctor say?” I look at dad.

“Everything is stable for now but,” he watches my face for any reaction, “you don’t have much longer to live honey.” Mom sobs immediately, I held back my own tears because the look on their faces tells how much it’s affecting them. I sigh deeply.

“What did he say is cause of the tumor?” Dad answers.

“Doctor Khan says it differs, sometimes its hereditary which I told him there’s no one in our family that have such ailment and that makes you the first.” He says sadly, I got angry.

“Great. Isn’t it fantastic? Born to live only for a few years and die or live and forget what I ever was.” I say feeling a whole lot worse than I look on the outside.

“Don’t say that.” Mom counters.

“No, but it's true.” I raise my voice at her.

“She said your only chance is to have the operation.” She says smiling softly skipping the part where she also said it’s a fifty-fifty percent chance it will work. I shake my head vehemently.

“No, no, no. Dad? I can’t do it and you know it.” Mom smile breaks.

“You have to have the operation or you’re going to die. Don’t you see this is hurting us or you don’t care about how we feel?” she flares up.

“Anna stop it!” dad reprimands mom.

“No! she needs to hear this. Is this what she wants? To see us walking in and out of the hospital like it’s a damn church. Every day waiting for the day she dies on us without giving this damn tumor a fighting chance at operation.” She face me. “Huh, is that what you want? Tell me, tell us!” Angry tears spill from her eyes.

Now I’m full blown crying. “You just want to give up and die, is that it Mary-Vienne?”

“No! No mom. I want to live to see my birthday that’s in a couple of weeks to come and more of my birthdays. I want to be the one to take the valedictorian speech because I AM the valedictorian. I want to live and go to college. I want to go to New York and get a job at a publishing house where I can show them my works and it gets published for everyone to have a copy. I want to have a shelf of my own works and send you signed copies to give to your friends telling them with pride, that’s my daughter and she’s a New York best time selling author, I want to fall in love, marry and give you grandkids like you deserve.”

Wiping at my increasingly wet cheeks I continued. “But that will never happen because I barely have months to live and what if the operation goes wrong. You heard the doctor, it’s a fifty-fifty percent chance. I’ll end up like a vegetable in coma for weeks, maybe months or worst years and if it’s successful, I lose my memory and I can’t remember when you both took me to the park, or when Dad taught me to ride a bike.” I hiccup. “Or when you cook my favorite meals just to put a smile on my face. What if I don’t remember who I am or who you are to me? It’s my brain we’re talking about here mom and I’m not taking that chance.” Wiping the angry tear away looking at their shocked faces I continued.

“So yes mom, this is what I want and I won’t take the operation, call me selfish or whatever it is. I will not have that operation. If I die, I die.” I lay back on the bed crying and sobbing my heart out, you can only hear our cries fill the room.

I wipe my tears away turning to my side facing the widow. “Just leave. I want to be alone.”

“Mary-Vienne?”

“Please Dad.” I beg trying to hold back the enormous bile in my throat threatening to come out.

I heard movement, soon I felt dad kiss my hair and so did mom. “I love you honey.” They both said and for the first time in my life, I didn’t reply them, I couldn’t. I close my eyes tight trying to stop the tears which threatens to come out.

“Come Anna, let’s go get some coffee.” The door close telling me they left. I stay in the same position but this time with my eyes open red and blotchy.

What have I done? Was I too harsh on them? Maybe I went too far. And just like I pushed my best friend away, I succeeded in pushing my parent away. Why am I such a disappointment to everyone who loves me? I'll rather die holding on to my memories than live like an empty shell and worst is coma. No, I can't let them suffer that way. I cannot do that to them. I sniff.

My heart breaks. It’s all for the best. I thought hoping and wishing I’m making the right decision. For me, for them. I wipe away a lone tear.

I’m meant to take care of myself not crying and making it worse. I sniff feeling the urge to bawl my eyes, then I heard a knock, two knocks. I wrap myself in fetal position wanting the person knocking to just leave me alone. Didn’t I tell them to leave me alone?

“Mom, it’s not five minutes yet. I just want to be alone. Please.” I plead hoping she leave me alone as I heard the door opening.

“You really have to work on your visitors manners Snoopy.” that voice.

Quickly I turn, in a black jean and black tee and black leather jacket matching his trainers all tall, handsome, and cocky with his famous smirk and tousled hair holding a bouquet of flowers.

“Austin?”