Chapter 82: Chapter 82

I heard the question, but I pretended not to. The silence that followed was deafening. It felt like the world had stopped turning, and the only sound was my own heartbeat, pounding in my ears.

I felt like I was in a different world. I was facing the question I had been avoiding asking myself. The question James had asked had my brain working overtime, even as I tried to avoid it. I could feel my brain trying to work out an answer.

"Ivy," James said, breaking the silence and pulling me out of my thoughts.

I turned to look at him, avoiding his gaze. "What did you say?" I asked. I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, my hand shaking slightly.

"I asked you if you are still in love with your ex," James repeated, his tone serious.

My throat felt dry, and I swallowed hard. I knew that he was not going to let this go until I answered him. But I was not sure if I knew the answer, or if I even wanted to know the answer. Perhaps, a part of me knew the answer to his question, but I didn't want to accept that it might be the real answer.

"Why would you ask me that?" I asked, looking him in the eyes.

"Because I want to know the answer," James replied. "I want to know everything that is going on with you and in your head. So please, just be honest. Are you still in love with your ex?"

I blinked slowly, dropping my gaze. "You don't trust me," I muttered.

I continued."And, you think it is okay to ask your girlfriend that? Have I ever asked you if you're still in love with your ex?"

I was fully aware of what I was doing. It was "gaslighting", a form of manipulation. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care for now. I just wanted to get out of this conversation, no matter the cost.

"You are avoiding my question," James burst out, running his hands through his hair."This is just like the cycle I have seen before. It is like history is repeating itself. You are doing exactly what my ex did whenever I tried to bring up her relationship with her ex. It is killing me."

"You can't relate everything to what happened with your ex," I snapped back.

"I'm not trying to, but it seems like the same thing is happening now," He uttered, his voice shaking.

A silence hung between us as we were grappling with our own thoughts. I had no idea what James was thinking, but my own thoughts were racing in circles. I hated myself for making him feel this way, but I didn't know how to fix it. I knew that telling him the truth would only make things worse. How could I make him understand?

I thought I had moved on from Romeo. Maybe I had moved on from him, but whenever I saw him, he still gave me a rush of butterflies. I knew I would not have followed him to that house that night if I didn't still feel something for him. I didn't know if I followed him because I still liked spending time with him, or if it was the love I had for him.

James broke the silence by clearing his throat. "I think you need some time to figure out what you really want. Do you still love your ex, or do you want to be with me? I need to know that you are with me because you love me, and not because I am a distraction from your past," He said, his voice low and gentle.

My eyes narrowed. "Is this a break up?" I asked, a sick feeling starting to creep into my stomach.

A faint smile flashed across his face, before it disappeared. ""How could I possibly break up with you when I'm deeply in love with you?"

"Then, what are you trying to do?" I probed.

"I'm just trying to keep things casual between us. I know that I have already fallen for you, but I can still take a step back if I need to. I am not trying to end things between us. I just want you to be sure about what you want. If we're going to be in a relationship, I don't want to feel threatened by your ex. Imagine if I asked you if you still had feelings for your ex, and you couldn't answer me. I don't want that uncertainty between us. I want a healthy relationship," James uttered.

I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry. I - "

James cut short my words."It is okay. I'm not upset, I promise. I am just frustrated at the situation, not with you. When you have figured out your feelings for me and your ex, call me or text me," He said.

He held my gaze for a long moment, then looked away. He turned the key in the ignition and started the car.

I remained quiet as we drove home, unsure of what to say. I knew I needed to process everything he had said, but not in the car. My head was in a tangle. I just needed to get home and have some time to think. I was such a beautiful mess.

A few minutes later, we pulled into my driveway. James turned off the car, and I unbuckled my seat belt. Turning to face him, I gave him a small smile and a hug. He hugged back, his arms warm around me, and then released me. He drove away after I climbed out of his car. I watched his taillights fade into the distance before entering my house and going into my room.

****

As soon as I entered my bedroom, the only thing I wanted to do was lay down and take a nap. I had a long day, and my mind needed some rest. Maybe, when I woke up, I would be able to make sense of all the swirling thoughts in my head.

I headed to the bathroom to wash my face and get ready for bed. I changed into my pink nightgown and climbed on the bed. I reached over to my bedside table for my acne treatment, and something popped in my mind as I sighted the pink tube of the acne cream.

The white and pink envelope Romeo had given to me earlier.

Like a flash, I grabbed my bag. I dug through it and pulled out the envelope. I held it up to my nose, and sniffled. It smelled like him, mixed with the scent of wildflowers.

I ripped open the envelope and pulled out the folded sheet of white paper inside. What did Romeo want? Why would he give me a letter? That didn't seem like something he'd do.

I hesitated, glancing down at the folded paper. It was covered in his handwriting, words scrawled from top to bottom.

I braced myself and opened the letter.

The first words were in big, block letters at the top of the page: "My Good Girl".

I felt a flutter in my stomach, and my hands began to sweat. I didn't know how I feel this way, maybe it had to with the way I imagined him saying those words to me in his deep, husky voice.